


Summer Camp

by dleigh



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-23
Updated: 2004-05-23
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:47:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dleigh/pseuds/dleigh
Summary: Completely AU with Brian and Justin at age 13 being sent to the hell that is summer camp.  Because this is B/J  many other known characters are involved in this storyline as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**Warning: There will be instances of sexual situations between the boys at their AU age of 13. If you are offended by this please be warned!**

* * *

_1130am Saturday morning...the Taylor Estate._

"Justin! For God’s sakes come on. If we miss the bus I’ll have to take you all the way there, now come on."

"Jesus Dad, calm down. I’m coming alright?" Motioning to the uniformed woman holding his luggage, "Mary, can you bring down my other suitcase please? I left it outside my door."

"How many suitcases are you taking? It’s only two months Justin. How many pairs of shorts and shirts do you need?"

"Dad, maybe you didn't read the brochure of Camp Hell but I did. It’s two months of Pennsylvania summer. Heat. Sweat. Grossness. Please, I need all this stuff." Making the best of the suckass situation he joked, "It was your idea to send me away to this stupid camp so you and Mom can get that quick divorce you don’t want me to know about."

"How did you know?"

His smile faltering, "I didn’t. But, hey, thanks for sharing. I’m only your son. Your only child!" He knew the drill on how these things go. "So, what’s going to happen to me? Who gets me?"

"Justin, I’m moving to Europe and you’re staying with your Mother. It’ll all be fine; we didn’t want to uproot you from school and your friends."

Uh, hello? What friends? "So you thought that by getting rid of me and sending me to camp would do what?"

"We thought it best if you tried to have fun this summer. Maybe make some friends or something. There’s going to be a lot of changes this coming year and we thought you might enjoy this."

"Enjoy being shipped off to the woods with people I don’t know? Enjoy Camp Hole-In-the-Woods? Yeah, great idea. Thanks alot."

"Justin, please."

"You could have sent me back to Switzerland instead of the backwoods of Pennsylvania!" 

"Your mother wanted you here this summer."

"And yet, I won’t be."

As his father had nothing to say in response, "Great. Good. Fine. Can we go now?"

The drive to the pick up point for the buses carrying kids to Camp Westmont was tediously tiring. Craig Taylor kept mum and Justin did the same. What was there to say really? ‘Please don’t get a divorce.’ ‘Is it me?’ ‘What happened?’ He was only 13 and could do nothing about the dissolution of his parents marriage nor could he dissuade them. His world sucked before but now had crumbled completely. To top it off he was being sent away for the summer while his parents divided up property. He doubted he even see his father again this year with the move to Europe happening soon. 

Justin was definitely not looking forward to being schlepped off to Camp MakeMeSlitMyWrists. No matter how cool or fun or whatever, summer camp seemed as it was portrayed numerous times in stupid teen movies, that shit never, ever happened. You get stuck in some God-forsaken hovel of a cabin with a bunch of people you don’t know, wouldn’t want to know, hopefully you’d never have to ever run across these people in your lifetime and yet, you’re stuck whether you like it or not. Food sucks. Bunk beds. Great. It’s hot and lake water is just...gross. Forced organized sports? Yay. Crafts? Fuck. It’s rustic and you’re out in the goddamn woods in the middle of nowhere which brings to mind a whole other genre of teen movies Justin wasn’t willing to think about at this particular time. Not to mention the dreaded communal showers. Yeah. This summer will suck big dick. And not in the seedy, hot ‘sweaty guys who wouldn’t beat you senseless’ fantasy-type way Justin was wishing for. Not that he was experienced by any means but one could dream.

Arriving at the football stadium parking lot, Craig parked hastily and jumped out to unload all four of Justin’s suitcases. "Try to fit in this summer Justin, okay?"

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Well, maybe you could not be so pretentious or demanding. Just go with the flow."

"Go with the flow? Dad, it was your choice to send me to private school. Your choice to live in the richest neighborhood. Mom’s choice to belong to the richest country club and your choice for our family to flaunt it. I’ve grown accustomed to a certain way of life and I am not ashamed. It’s not my fault that most everyone else is poor and has the intelligence of a blade of grass."

"See? You were not raised this way young man! This is exactly what I’m talking about. Just try to make some friends this year okay? You are 13 not 30! I know it’s hard, even if you won’t admit it, but I know you're lonely. I can see how it’s been hard losing Matthew Justin but it’s been a year. It's time to move on."

"Oh, I was most certainly raised this way. And, don’t talk about Matthew, Dad! Just don’t."

"Justin, he’s gone okay? It’s time you made new friends for Christ sakes! It’s time for at least one friend don’t you think?"

"Whatever. So, I’ll see you when I see you?"

"You can call me anytime from your mobile and I deposited your allowance in your account and that should last you the summer. Try not to spend it all in one week like you normally do."

A large red headed woman wearing a visor and carrying a clipboard approached Justin and his father. Finally, his majesty has arrived. You'd think that trust fund babies and steel magnates could keep fucking correct time what with all the millions they make sucking the life out of the poor, "Are you Justin Taylor?"

"Yes."

"Well, come on honey. We ain’t got all day no matter who you are, princess. We’ve been waiting for you and its past time to get on the road."

As she watched Justin struggle with his bags she asked, "Can you get all that?"

"Yeah." Taking a look back at his father Justin picked up two of his suitcases and trudged to the bus and loaded them in the baggage compartment. "Bye Dad."

"Remember what I said Justin...try to have fun this summer."

The woman walked back to the bus and motioned for a young boy to come off. When he came down the stairs of the bus she told him to help Justin with his bags. "What for? Fuck that, I carried my own bags and he can carry his!"

"Brian Kinney! Get your skinny ass over there and help that boy with his bags or you’ll start kitchen duty tonight and all that steam and those greasy lasagna pans will be hell on that pretty complexion of yours. And if you don't like that, I'm sure Jesus still has room for you at Camp of the Holy Ghost."

Muttering and cursing under his breath Brian walked over and picked up the two remaining suitcases wandering what the hell was actually in them considering they weighed a ton. As he was carrying them back the boy, the owner, came and tried to take them from him. "That’s okay, I got it."

Oh great. Richey Rich. Just what I fucking need. Letting them fall from under his arms to the asphalt Brian smirked, "Suit yourself."

Wincing as his Louis Vuittons hit the ground no doubt causing numerous scratches, he reached for his wallet. "Wait, here you go," Justin said pulling out a twenty and extending it to Brian.

Taking in Justin’s cherubic face, expensive watch and manicured hands along with his meticulously dressed attire, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What? Aren’t you like the bag boy or something?"

Ripping the money out of the boy's hand, Brian tore it to shreds, throwing the pieces in Justin's face. "Fuck you." Brian stormed off, kicking one of the suitcases on his way.

"Hey! Watch it!"

As he climbed the steps of the bus, Brian turned and bent down, peering out the door, "You watch it." 

Turning to the red headed visor lady, Justin asked bewildered, "What did I say?"

"Honey, you’re not from around here are you?"

"Of course I am. What 's that supposed to mean?"

Laughing and shaking that hair which had to be a wig, by the way. Hopefully. "First time at camp right?" 

"And? What’s the big deal?"

"That’s what I thought. Now, hurry that cute little ass on the bus so we can go."

Rolling his eyes at the wig lady, Justin turned back to watch his father’s Mercedes drive away for probably the last time in a long time, He took the stairs of the bus, looking for an open seat. He’d dreaded this moment. It was always the same...he would never fit in. The woman told him to find a seat quickly and started the engine, "Welcome to summer boys!" she shouted, honking the horn.

Justin quickly scanned the bus looking for an empty seat finding none but he did see the boy who he’d insulted for $20 staring back at him, smirking. As the bus lurched in gear Justin was suddenly jostled from his standing position, flinging him down the aisle face first. Not a good way to start this summer from hell at all. The smell of the fumes from the bus and the fumes from inside the sweat mobile overtook him along with his sore knee and hand that had broken his fall. 

Oh for fuck's sake. 

Struggling, he tried to gather himself enough to stand up to no avail. It was then that he felt someone wrench his arm up, pulling him into a standing position. 

"Move it," a voice demanded harshly to someone and Justin was quickly pushed down into a seat.

When he felt the hot, sticky vinyl against his linen pants only then did he look up to see who offered him help. He looked up directly into the eyes of the boy that he’d insulted a few minutes ago. "Uh, thanks. Thank you," Justin said realizing that Brian had made someone get up out of their seat for him.

Brian stood against the seat next to Justin with one hand on his shoulder and the other holding his canvas satchel bag. "Here," Brian said, shoving the bag into Justin’s lap then taking back his seat which was directly across the aisle from where Justin now sat.

Soon they were on the highway before Justin had the courage to glance across the aisle at the boy who helped him up from the floor and the embarrassing laughter that had resonated throughout the bus. He figured him for the last person to offer a helping hand after insulting him before. Taking a chance glance, he spied the boy sitting in his seat with headphones on, oblivious to his gaze so he thought. The boy, Brian, was tall, lanky for his age which Justin assumed to be his own. Auburn hair, smooth skin, big hands and feet. Justin took in his worn clothes and the rugged look about him. Tough. More like unpolished. Unlike Justin. But very intriguing to say the least. Interesting. A very good specimen for his sketchbook, definitely. 

Brian sat listening to The Cure cd and thumbed through his copy of Rolling Stone. This summer was going to suck without Michael. Big time. Being farmed out to Debbie was just the icing on the cake but he did ask for it. Thank God he talked his father into letting him go to Ms Novotny’s summer camp instead of the Jesus Camp his mother was wanting to send him to. Hell, his own house was a 24 hour Jesus Camp. He begged Debbie to talk to his parents until they relented; the camp’s soccer tournament helped immensely. So, Debbie was a much better choice than Christ the Redeemer for the summer, at least in his mind.

Debbie and her brother Vic were owners and resident camp counselors at Camp Westmont for the past 10 years and Brian had been going for the last three along with Debbie’s son Michael. But this year Michael wouldn’t be there because instead he was being sent to Camp Pocono Trails. Fat Camp. Brian did have to agree that Michael was getting a wee bit thick. Actually, he was turning into a fat ass and Brian told him that every chance he had. But, truth be told, Debbie did shovel the fat steadily in her house around meal time. 

So, he was going solo and not looking forward to it. It would force him to make a new friend or be lonely the entire summer. Not that Brian necessarily craved companionship but it could get lonely there in the woods with the losers, nerds and doofuses abounding. There was lots to do with all the sports activities and the lake, not to mention the high school students that interned as counselors. Jason Bishop would be back this year for sure. Mmm, Jason. He’d had his eye on that hot body and *dsls* since last summer and knew that Jason was just as interested. Smiling, Brian reached for his backpack.

Justin watched as Brian drew a pack of cigarettes from his backpack and lit one up enhaling deeply, exhaling the smoke out the small window. He watched those red lips purse and his suntanned cheeks cave in with suction until Brian turned to him, catching his eye.

Quickly Justin turned away. Dammit. Caught. As he dared another look, he saw Brian was staring at him. "Can I help you with something?"

"Should you be smoking on the bus?"

"What are you, the fire marshall? Why do you care anyways?"

Like clockwork, the defensive always comes. Along with it comes the petulance, "Well, it’s my lungs you’re polluting and my height you’re stunting."

"You only really need one anyways and it doesn’t look like you’re growing anymore." Brian then leaned over casting a glance to Justin’s crotch, "At least not in that area."

Eyes bulging at the obviously cutting comment Justin was flushed with embarrassment and shock. "You’re an asshole!"

"And you’re a priss. So, fuck off."

'Well, this is just fucking great,' was thought simultaneously between the two boys as they rode on to their summer vacations.

 

The long drive to the camp, with the heat permeating the confines of the bus was hell on Justin’s allergies and his burgeoning asthma. As he began to wheeze he reached into his satchel for his inhaler and pulled out a handkerchief. Blowing smoke rings over his head, Brian heard the wheezing from across the aisle. Great. He watched the snobby blond pull an inhaler from his bag and draw two quick breaths from it. Justin was flushed and sweating along with his labored breathing.

Brian looked to the boy and to the cigarette he held between his fingers. Rolling his eyes he flicked the butt out the window and pulled a bottle of water from his backpack. The shit he did. Should let the fucker asphyxiate. But no...that wouldn’t be too Christian now would it? Christ. Sliding across his seat he extended his hand with bottle to the boy. "Here."

As his breathing calmed down Justin looked to Brian who held the bottle of water. "I’m okay. Thank you."

"What is it with you? Take the fucking water and don’t you dare try to give me any money. I’m not the water boy either."

Smiling, Justin reached for the bottle and as the bus hit a bump in the road- no telling what road kill now lay across the highway from Debbie's driving- their fingers brushed together. Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the possible anaphylatic shock Justin was experiencing. Who knows, but there was definitely a spark there. Like a little jolt of electricity that ran between them. Who knew?

Grasping the bottle firmly in hand, Justin smiled again and opened it for a drink. Taking a big gulp then wetting his handkerchief, he tried to hand the bottle back. Brian watched as his throat moved, that adam’s apple bobbing the water down...how those lips licked the remnants of moisture away. Snapping himself from the heat induced daze, he noticed the bottle being offered back to him. Shaking his head Brian replied, "No, you keep it. I’ve got another."

Justin shook his head in acknowledgement and thanks then wiped his forehead and cheeks. Thank God I wore linen>. This heat is unreal! Okay, so he helped me up. He offered me water and he even threw out that gross cigarette! But no way. He’s too cute. Too hot actually to be gay. Only boys like me were gay. Artistic, fey and never, ever hot like Brian. Matthew was like me and he was beautiful. Beautiful but dead. But definitely not like Brian. 

As the buses lurched up the final hill to the camp, a sigh of relief was most definitely heard. After they all unloaded their bags, found their cabins and listened to the boring speech from Debbie and Vic, their summer would finally begin.

He’s so gay. I shoulda known the minute I spotted that ass in linen. I mean, what 13 year old actually wears linen? Plus, he carries around that satchel which probably has sketchpads and pencils. And fancy charcoals too, no doubt. Rich ass, avant garde type. Prissy little fucker. I bet he doesn't even dress himself. Probably has servents to wipe his ass. He is hot though. For a 13 year old that wears linen, that is. I mean, if I did 13 year olds, he probably would get done and then some. But, since I go for older guys he’ll miss out. Poor guy. Who wants to fuck a 13 year old that actually *acts* 13? Not Jason. Definitely not Jason Bishop. Or Ben Bruckner. Shit! I forgot Ben would be here this year.

The bus pulled up the drive and Debbie lay on the horn signaling its arrival. Soon, young boys and girls, counselors, came out of their cabins to take ownership of their wards for the next two months. Ben and Daphne were first to the bus, laughing and catching up on the year.

"So, how do you think it will go this year?"

"I’m hoping a lot better than last year Daph."

"Oh yeah, if I remember correctly you had quite an admirer or should I say fan club?"

Laughing, Ben remembered Brian Kinney and Michael Novotny. Evidently they made a bet for the summer. First to get kissed by a counselor or something just as ludicrous and Ben was lucky one chosen.

"Yeah, that was quite an, uh, experience to say the least."

"What actually happened?"

"God, they snuck into my cabin and then that boy Michael crawled into bed with me!"

"Oh my God! Seriously? What did you do?"

"That little shit Brian had a camera and I woke up from the flash. Bastard. It was hell getting the camera from him I’ll tell you that. He said he’d give it back if I kissed him."

"No way. What did you do?"

"I kissed him and then Michael ran out crying, screaming, "Brian! How could you?" I swear I thought he would wake up the whole camp."

"So did you get the camera? Did they ever say anything to anyone?"

"No, thankfully. Brian just shook his head and handed me the camera, telling me he was sorry."

Along the highway, through the hills, the line of buses en route to Camp Westmost steadily trudged along. Five buses in all. Three for boys and two for girls. As the buses came to a complete stop, all the boys stood, stretching their legs. Inside Justin and Brian’s bus, Debbie opened the doors, calling for them to unass immediately. In a not so single file line, the boys spilled out of the bus, milling around waiting to be herded like cattle to their final destination.

Justin stood alone, off to the side watching. If he thought that Brian and he could be friends, that thought quickly dissipated as Brian pushed past him and off the bus. Lighting up a smoke immediately he took in the sights as well...his eyes drawn to the two counselors who stood next to the bus. Ben. Ben Bruckner. He shoots! And, he scores. Repeatedly. A tall blonde girl vamped over to Brian trying to chat him up. Lindsey. Good old reliable Lindsey. Would she ever give the fuck up? Probably not since he’d gone to second base with her last summer over a dare by Michael. Trying to make up to him what happened with Ben, Brian was willing to do anything. Even go to second base with a girl. He shivered from memory of that night in the boathouse. And, now here she was.

Jostling Brian from his hot and horny daydream of he and Ben, "Brian! It’s so good to see you! I called to you earlier in the parking lot but you must not have heard me. I swore you saw me."

You are so on the milk carton Lindsey. "Hey Lindsey."

"I was hoping you’d be here this year. So, what’s up?" she eagerly asked.

"Not much." Uh huh. 

Suddenly a whistle blew signaling to the campers that it was time to be cordoned off into groups and cabins. Daphne, the girl with Ben took her clipboard and started calling names. As Brian heard his name he rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette. Fuck. How the fuck did I get Daphne? 

Ben, with clipboard, was calling out names assigned to him as well, as were the other counselors. "Justin Taylor. Justin Taylor?"

Justin moved through the throngs of people to the person calling his name. As he stood in front of Ben Bruckner he swore he heard the angels singing. "Uh, that’s me."

Smiling, Ben asked, "You’re Justin?" 

Tongue tied and sweaty palmed, "Yes, yes I am."

Extending his hand, Ben smiled again showing his pearly whites, "I’m Ben Bruckner and I’m your counselor here at Camp Westmont."

Justin shook the offered hand, shyly smiling back. "If you need anything, or need to talk to anyone about anything…I’m right here, okay?" Ben replied.

Oh hell NO. What the FUCK was this?

Shaking his head mutely, Justin jogged back to the bus to get his bags. Ben watched, peering his head watching as the boy struggled with his luggage. "Be right back guys," he called to the group waiting impatiently.

Brian was watching with feigned interest as the boy once again struggled with his fancy ass high faluting suitcases. His glee at watching Justin struggle dimmed as he saw Ben appear and heave the remaining three cases and off they went.

Goddammit. Daphne laughed to herself as she watched Brian grow red over Ben’s fawning. And yes, Ben was fawning. When was the last time Ben helped any of the boys carry their bags? Uh, never? This was going to be one helluva summer. 

Daphne and her group rounded the corner and trudged up the hill to Cabin Row. Between her and Ben, the boys would be divided up in cabins 10 and 11. 10 boys to each cabin and 5 showers stood between. As Daphne and Ben called out names for Cabin 10 first, Justin grew antsy. He was tired of lugging these bags even though it was he who called for their contents. He wasn’t used to exerting himself or doing any kind of manual and menial labor. That’s what the servants were for. Mary catered to his every whim. Shit, he didn’t even clean his own room, let alone pack these heavy bags. Mary always did everything.

"Alright. Cabin 11--Raymond Hillstead, Carey Turner, Brian Kinney, Mark Wilson, Brad Saenz, Justin Taylor... pick up your bags and go pick a bunk. When you’re done, come back outside and we go over the rules."

Ben was right there to help Justin with his bags and quickly moved them inside Cabin 11. It seemed okay for a cabin, Justin thought. Could use some decoration but whatever. "How’s this one right here?"

Feeling infinitely special at the treatment he was receiving from Ben the counselor. The counselor that told him to come to him if he ever needed anything. "Thanks Ben, this is good."

"Thanks Ben, this is good," Brian mocked him in falsetto from atop his perch in the bunk across from him.

"Brian, cut it out would you?"

"Sure Ben. So, how was your year?

Hello? What's going on here? Justin just watched the interaction between the two.

"It was good Brian, thanks. Not planning on photography again this year with your little friend again are we?"

Brian’s smile faltered slightly then returned, "Uh, actually no. I’m playing soccer here. I’ll be the one voted MVP just so you know. For when you want to congratulate me, that is."

"Well, that’s interesting. Let’s wait until we see how you do at tryouts, okay? I mean, since I’ll be one of the ones who’ll be voting for MVP since I’m the coach."

Touche. Yeah, that was a burn if I ever heard one. Justin laughed in spite of it all. "What are you laughing at blondie?"

"Nothing."

"I didn’t think so. Careful you don't have another fit or something."

Justin rolled his eyes as the typical 13 year old would do, short of a tantrum and faced away from Brian.

"So, Justin. Here’s your locker and you can fit your luggage under your bed here. I guess you’re the odd man out and lucked out with a free topper," Ben smiled motioning to the empty bunk atop Justin’s bed. "You sure you don’t want the top bunk?"

"No, I’m okay down here thanks."

"Yeah, believe me, he's a bottom...bunk for sure."

Rolling his eyes at Brian, Ben excused himself, calling to the boys to return outside in five minutes.

As both boys unpacked, they stole quick glances at each other. Justin lined his wall locker with his hanging clothes and shoes at the bottom. Pulling out the drawers from the small night table, he put his unmentionables...tighty whites inside.

Brian was back atop his bunk, peering over to watch Justin. The other boys were joking and laughing, some roughhousing to while away the time before dinner. 

"Where are you from anyways?"

"Pittsburgh. And you?"

"The Pitts, same as you. Hard to believe though. Exactly how rich are you?"

"Unbelieveably so."

Brian should have expected that smarm. "What school do you go to?"

"St James Academy."

"Jesus, I should have known. That school sucks. And, not in a positive, life affirming kind of way."

"What would you know about it?"

"Oh, I know."

"Really."

"Yeah."

Okay. Détente? What is this? Next thing you know someone's mother will get brought into this.

"Well, where do you go to school?"

"Woodrow Wilson."

"I’ve never even heard of that school."

"That’s a shocker. There is a whole world outside your tower Rapunzel, in case you didn't know."

"Why are you being an asshole?"

"Why are you being a silly faggot?"

At those words, Justin stilled his movements and glared at Brian. The look on his face was one of utter shock and anger. It was at the hint of tears that Brian thought better of his next words. "Look, whatever. Justin, right? I didn’t mean that, okay?"

"Whatever. Look, you stay away from me and I’ll stay away from you!"

A group of boys came over, messing about. "Hey, look at the pretty boy over there!"

"Yeah, with all his fancy luggage and cool clothes. Must be a regular Richey Rich here."

"Daddy buy you all those things?" 

Brian watched as Justin’s hands trembled and his breathing became labored again. Great, here comes the anaphylactic shock again. Seems much worse than the other one. "Hey, fuck off! Go on, " Brian yelled at the boys that crowded around Justin.

"Are you okay?"

Wheezing and flushed, Justin managed to retort, "Fuck off!"

Quickly, Brian jumped down from his bed, reaching into Justin’s satchel that was hanging from his bunk. Pulling out the inhaler, he handed it to Justin who seemed glad to see it. Taking two quick puffs he waited, looking up to find Brian standing watch over him silently with what seemed a hint of fear in his eyes.   
When Justin’s breathing calmed Brian shrugged nonchalance and replied, "You should keep that handy out here. You know for those allergies or whatever. There’s lots of bugs and dust and pollen and you know...all kinds of allergic shit."

"Yeah, thanks."

Noticing that they were alone in the cabing they gathered themselves, giving each other a small smile that seemed to cancel out their earlier outbursts. Ben was calling them to come outside to go over the rules of camp with the others. Dinner was at 7pm and after that came open activity hour in the cafeteria where everyone could meet up and/or introduce themselves. After that, it was lights out at 10pm. 

Separating after the rules, the boys meandered to the cafeteria for dinner. Brian met up with some boys he knew from last summer and Justin sat in a corner eating alone. Justin watched all the boys and girls pair up in their cliques- some knew each other well and others meeting for the first time. He watched Brian from across the room, sitting with a few boys from their cabin, playing hackey sack and kicking around a soccer ball.

Showers were open from 9-10pm. But at 830, Justin gathered his things and went timidly into the showers. Outside of gym class at St James, Justin had never been around other boys like that. As in, naked and wet. It had always been an embarrassing time for him and he hurried through those mandatory school showers. Thinking he was alone since the showers weren’t officially open yet, he moved quietly through the shower house and picked the last stall. As he approached the stall he noticed the curtain drawn shut and drew it open. 

Brian was there. In the shower. With another boy. They were together in the shower. Doing things. Together. They both had their shirts off and Brian’s jeans were at his feet. Those long naked, strong legs were bare. His chest was flushed and heaving and he was making these low growling noises. The other boy was on his knees, one hand on Brian’s bare hip and the other moving furiously on his own crotch. Brian, eyes rolled back in his head, was leaning against the tile wall with his hands gripped tightly in the boy’s black hair. His mouth open, emitting moans of pleasure along with those growls. 

The boy on his knees, was a counselor Justin was sure. He saw him with talking with Brian in the cafeteria at dinner and later to Ben. The counselor was moaning as well with Brian’s dick down his throat. Sucking and slurping noises suddenly flooded the shower area seemingly maginified as if in a tunnel. How could they not know he was there? Did they not hear the shower curtain being flung open or where they too in to what was actually going on to notice?

Momentarily stunned, Justin jumped back when Brian’s eyes opened, meeting his. Shocked, Justin turned away but quickly turned back, watching Brian stare into him, licking his lips all the while. He was frozen in place. Couldn’t move. Didn’t dare move. If he did he was afraid he’d never feel this feeling again. Never see something so beautiful as he was seeing right now if he turned away again.

When Brian exhaled harshly, groaning what had to be his release, still staring wide eyed at his voyeur, Justin stumbled backwards. As he did, he bumped into the adjacent stall causing him to drop his basket of toiletries to the floor, its bottles and containers spilling out...drowning the counselors cries of pleasure.


	2. Summer Camp

Justin ran, practically flailing, out of the shower house after trying to gather his toiletries that were strewn about. Fuck, I need my inhaler. Alone he hurried to his bed and got in, not minding to change into his sleep clothes.

He was shocked. It wasn’t as if he never thought of these things. Because he did. A lot. It’s just that he’d never seen them. Actually seen them outside of the occasional nudie mag he’d steal from the magazine vendor up the street from his dad’s work. He was only 13 for Christ sakes.

But seeing Brian in there. Doing those things...and he called me a faggot! He’d called me that and he actually is one. I mean, right? He is, right? Matthew and I just kissed and well, I did touch it a few times. But, I never put my mouth on it or put it in my mouth. Never! We didn’t do that. Maybe if he was still alive we would have. I miss him so much. But, we didn’t. And now that I saw Brian do that and I liked it. liked watching that...what does that mean? I know I like boys. Or one boy. But I thought it was just Matthew- that he was special. That we were special or something. But in one day I meet Brian and he’s...God, he’s so beautiful. He looks like that sculpture, that one by Michelangelo or something. And then there’s Ben. He’s beautiful too. 

Brian. He...he saw me. He knew I was there. Watching me...licking his lips, making those noises.

"Justin?"

"Ben? What are you doing here?"

"I saw you run from the showers. Are you okay? Is there something wrong?"

"No. Nothing’s wrong. I just started coughing and I needed my inhaler. But, I’m better now."

Sitting down on the edge of the bunk beside him Ben leaned down to touch the flushed face. "You’re pretty hot."

"Uh, thanks?"

Laughing, "I meant your forehead. Your forehead is hot."

"Oh, yeah. I just get overheated is all...you know, with my ashthma."

"Yeah. "

"Ben, how old are you?"

"I’m 17."

"Wow, that’s old."

Smiling, "17 is old to a 13 year old kid."

"I'm not a kid, I'll be 14 this summer."

 

Brian stormed into the cabin about this time looking for Justin but seeing Ben. Sitting on Justin’s bed. Close, with his hand on Justin’s cheek. "Well, isn’t this quaint?"

"Brian. Uh, hey."

"Yeah. Hey Ben. Sorry to interrupt your private moment and all but are you supposed to be in here? I mean, in bed with him like that?"

Quickly standing up, Ben cleared his throat, "I was just checking on Justin. I saw him run from the showers earlier and wanted to check to make sure he was okay, right Justin?"

"Yeah, that’s right. I don't feel too well so I'm making it an early night."

"Running from the showers? What, did something scare you in the big, dark showers Sunshine? Was it a snake or something?"

"No, it wasn’t big enough to be a snake," Justin smirked , catching Brian’s glare. "I just needed my inhaler."

Nodding his head Brian, with tongue in cheek, Brian moved to his bunk, taking off his shirt. As Ben and Justin both watched, he skimmed his jeans off as well, standing there in his boxers. "I guess I’ll make it an early night too."

Ben took this time to get up from the bed, thinking it a good time to haul ass, "Yeah, well. Alright you two, see you in the morning at roll call and breakfast. Sleep well because you have a big day ahead of you."

"Hm."

"Okay, goodnight Ben. Thanks for checking on me."

"You’re welcome Justin. Brian, goodnight."

"Later. Buh bye."

As Ben left the cabin, the boys lay in silence. Justin turned over to face the wall away from Brian’s prying eyes. Huffing, Brian jumped down from his bunk and reached into his jean’s pocket, pulling out the inhaler Justin had dropped. Placing it on Justin’s nightstand, "You dropped this back there."

Turning over to see what Brian was talking about, he spied the errant inhaler and met his eyes. "Thank you."

"About what you saw in-"

"I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Good. Let’s keep it that way."

Brian climbed back atop his bunk and reached over to turn his bunk light off, drowning out the light inside Cabin 11. Rolling over to face the opposite wall because that was the side he slept on alright? No other reason whatsoever. None. He noticed Justin looking up at him. Not daring to break eye contact, he stared back at the boy.

"Why did you call me that?"

Jesus, what now? Brian had no idea what he’d done this time. What did he call him?

"Sunshine. You know, you called me Sunshine. Why’d you call me that?"

Cuz you were lit up like a fucking lightbulb? Laughing, Brian replied, "No particular reason."

"Oh."

Of course the next day the boys went back to acting like nothing happened. It was a regular theme brewing between them. The rest of the week went along as best it could as was immersion in camp life. 

As a special treat on Fridays, Vic brought out the sailboat and all the boys who had excelled in their classes and sports for the week were sailed around the lake as a reward. Big deal. This was the reward for being subjected to macaroni art? To the akwardness that is archery and the pleasantness of being beaned repeatedly by a volleyball? A speed boat ride would do better than some rickety old sailboat that you spent more time fucking with the ropes and battening down the hatches or whatever the hell they were, rather than taking in the actual magical scenery of water. And trees. Good times. Yes, splendid indeed.

Brian nor Justin was too thrilled when they found out they would be receiving a slip around the cove. Boring snorefest. If asked, they’d both probably tell you that they’d rather do their laundry. And that was saying a lot for Justin. They did it though and suffered through it all. On opposite ends of the boat from each other.

The next week had been fraught with uneasiness around the other boys. Much like it was normally but Justin had actually been trying to make friends or chill out, whatever it was that his father accused him of. The final straw happened yesterday at lunch when he was tripped by Mark Wilson, a boy from his cabin. Not only did he spill the contents of the lackluster lunch but covered himself and a few others in cherry Kool Aid. 

Brian sat watching it all unfold, listening to the boys as they planned their latest humiliation of Justin. All through the week it had been one thing after another. First his contact lens case went missing so Justin had to wear his glasses. Truth be told, Brian thought Justin looked cuter in his glasses but whatever. Point is, the boys started taking things from Justin. Next was his MP3 player. Then yesterday his watch was missing. It was futile to report it to the counselors for fear of a blanket party at night with blocks of Lava pelting you across your body as the others kept a blanket taut over you and your mouth gagged shut. No one wanted that. 

Brian had long been pigeon holed into the role of protector. He’d been there for Michael numerous times and now he’d have to be there for Justin. He really couldn’t stand the little shit but there was something about him. Something sweet, Brian reckoned, underneath all that moneyed bullshit. He seemed unhappy to say the least. All that money and the freak still wasn’t happy. Just goes to show, I guess. 

But, Brian was all about him this summer so his protective tendency was fucking up his groove. True, he did miss Mikey, but he was getting a lot of play and planned on getting a lot more including up to his 14th birthday. And, with Mikey here Brian wouldn’t be enjoying those late nights by the docks or in the shower house after lights out, so he wasn’t that broken up about it. Jason didn’t know it, but Brian was giving himself to Jason as his present to him this summer. So in all, he really didn’t have a lot of time to run interference for Justin with the other boys when he could be getting sucked off or sucking off Jason. Still, it wasn’t fair how the boys always picked on him. He minded his own business in a stand offish kind of way but that didn’t deter them.

After Justin ran off to clean himself up and change clothes, Brian sat at the table biding his time. Finally when the other boys rose to leave and take their trays Brian made his move. Coming up behind Mark, Brian rushed the boy subsequently sending him to his knees. When Mark regained his composure, Daph and Emmett, another counselor, came over to break up the fight threatening to start.

"What’s your problem Kinney!"

"Why don’t you pick on someone your own size, Wilson?"

"Oh, you mean poor little Taylor? He’s a scrawny little faggot! What do you care?"

"I don’t. Just leave him and his shit alone."

Justin wouldn’t know any of this because at the time he was back in the cabin changing his clothes. All during the week he picked up the phone to call his father or his mother. Come get me. Rescue me from this hell on earth called Summer Camp. No. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t be some silly faggot. Besides, what’s to go back to? The house would be empty no doubt and he would just hole up in his room watching movies or cruising the internet. Molly, his three year old sister would drive him up the wall...no, even this hell was better than that hell.

Someone was knocking on the door to the cabin. "Justin? Are you in here?"

Pulling his shirt over his head, realizing it was Daphne, Justin responded, "One second." Walking over to the door he pushed the screen door open to let her in.

"I saw what happened back there in the cafeteria. Are you okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be? It was nothing really. I’m okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I said I was fine!"

"Okay, well, I was just making sure. I know I’m a counselor here but you know, I’m 16 as well and I remember what it’s like to be 13. It’s tough."

Sitting down on his bed, sulking, "It sucks actually."

"Well then it hasn’t changed much at all." Smiling she punched him in the arm trying to loosen him up as well as the mood. "Hey, I’m actually going over to the studio to do some painting. Wanna come?"

"There’s a studio here? It wasn’t in the brochure, at least not that I saw."

"Yeah, it’s for the staff, sorry. You like to paint?"

"Yes, I do actually. I sketch as well. Wanna see some?" Justin asked excitedly as he retrieved his satchel. Pulling out the sketch book he motioned for Daphne to take a seat next to him so they could view the book.

"Wow Justin, these are really good. You have some real talent...much better than most actually."

"Thanks Daphne. I really love to draw. I guess it’s sort of like an..."

"Escape?" Daphne chimed in smiling.

"Yeah, an escape. Exactly."

"Have you ever thought about art school, I mean later after you graduate, Justin?"

"Oh no. My whole life is planned out for me. I’m going to business school and then I’ll go into business with my father. Is that what you’re going to do?"

"Yeah, at least I hope so. I really want to go to PIFA."

"That’s so cool. I wish I could go there- I’ve heard really good things about it."

As Daphne turned the pages, she caught sight of a drawing towards the back that looked familiar, "This one is amazing." 

Noticing what sketch she was referring to Justin quickly took the book back from her, having forgotten all about that. It was a sketch he had drawn of Brian, pulling from memory, as they rode the bus to camp. Brian he sat with his head lying against the window, head phones on and eyes closed. "Uh, yeah. Well, can we go now?"

Not wanting to push Justin about the sketch or much else, Daphne was just glad that she found something to connect with Justin on. She watched him this past week, always alone and always with a blank stare upon his face. He was very different from the blue collar boys and girls spending their summers at Camp Westmont and she had gathered that his parents unloaded him up here because of problems in the marriage or a possible divorce. Whatever the case, the looming divorce wasn’t the only thing weighing on Justin. There was much more there and she thought she knew what it was.

Maybe it was the way Ben was drawn to him or maybe it was his frailty, his seeming sensitivity eeking out through the brick wall façade he carried. Maybe it was the sketch of Brian. She watched him with interest in his mandatory activities always doing only what was necessary...never exceeding the minimum. Daphne wasn’t his counselor but she could see a cry for help or a cry for acknowledgement...or even a cry for purpose, for what it really was.

They stayed in the studio painiting, talking and laughing until right before dinner. As they were cleaning up she asked Justin if he’d like to come back again and he gleefully accepted her invitation. 

Before lights out, when all the boys were in the cabin talking, joking and getting ready for bed, Brian and Justin were doing their own thing. Brian was reading a book...he was always reading a book when he wasn’t playing soccer or flirting with Ben or Jason and Justin was getting ready to run to the showers. Gathering his things, Brian watched him as he walked out and heard Mark start in on the boy again. Feigning ignorance but definitely listening, he heard the boys laughing and plotting but didn't miss it when Mark and another boy went outside. 

Fucking hell! As the other boys were still aughing and whispering, Brian called out, "Where are they going?"

Brad, one of Mark’s closest friends, smirked and told Brian, "Where do you think?"

Shaking his head and fearing the worst, Brian jumped down from his bunk and moved to the door. Brad blocked his way, telling him, "Stay out of it Kinney."

Kneeing Brad in the groin, Brian spat, "Fuck off!"running out the door to the showers. Once inside he heard Mark and the other boy taunting Justin.

"All alone in here aren’t you little boy?"

"Leave me alone!"

"Oh, we’ll leave you alone in a minute."

"What do you want? Just go away, I’ve not done anything to you!"

"You think you’re so special don’t you, rich boy?"

Brian took this time to make his presence known. "What’s going on here?"

"Leave it Kinney, this is none of your business!" Brad snapped and told his friend to keep Brian back.

"What did I tell you earlier Mark? Why don’t’ you just leave him alone?"

"What’s he your boyfriend or something? What’s the big deal?"

Brian rushed the other boy, knocking him down into Mark. While the two boys tried to get up, Brian grabbed Justin, pushing him down the hall. Mark came at Brian popping him in the cheek. Thus began the tussle. 

Justin was supposed to run out, like Brian directed but he stood in fear watching. Brian threw Mark against the wall and they punched and kicked until they wore each other out. Finally calling a truce after the veiled threats of ass kicking til death, Mark’s friend gathered himself and Mark, limping out.

Justin rushed to Brian, taking in the gash on his cheek and the busted lip and knuckles. "Can you get up?"

"Of course I can get up, get offa me!" Brian snipped, pushing Justin off of him. Going to the sink and wetting a papertowel, Justin stood next to Brian at the basin. "That’s a nasty cut."

"I’ve had worse."

"Really? God, do you fight a lot?"

"Yeah. Mikey always seems to piss people off and I always seem to piss my old man off too."

"Who’s Mikey?”

“My best friend, he’s at a Camp about 20 miles from here. He’s Debbie’s son."

"Why isn’t he here with you?"

“He’s at Camp Pocono Trails. Better known as Fat Camp."

Laughing, "Fat Camp?"

Not laughing,"Yeah, and?"

"Nothing. It’s just funny is all."

"I don’t think it’s funny at all so shut up, alright?"

"Yeah, sorry."

Justin dabbed the paper towel to Brian’s cheek, wiping the blood away. His burst lip was still bleeding so Justin got another paper towel to dab that as well. "You need some peroxide on this," Justin whispered as he carefully rubbed the towel across Brian’s lips.

Noticing Brian’s right hand and swollen knuckles, Justin reached down and took his hand in his. "It’ll be sore tomorrow...we should get you some ice."

Is he actually flirting with me? "Maybe," Brian replied, lifting his eyes to Justin’s as he felt the boy’s hand massaging his injured one. With his other hand, Justin reached up and wiped a splatch of blood from Brian’s eyebrow with his thumb. Once the blood disappeared, he continued to rub the brow, feeling the soft hair under his finger, watching how those hazel eyes bore into him. He is definitely flirting with me.

Suddenly Justin was spun around, with his back to the sink basin and Brian bore into him. Both hands on either side of the boy, Justin was trapped. Brian loomed over him, his eyes watching and waiting. "Did you like it?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You know what I’m talking about. In here...when you saw me. Did you like watching me?"

"You’re crazy. I’m not like that."

"Sure you’re not. Whatever you say," Brian rasped as he moved his hand to grasp Justin’s crotch, massaging the bulge under his cargo shorts, leaning his face down to graze the boy’s lips with his own. Hot breathe against his face, Justin’s mouth naturally went slack, opening. He felt the hot tongue slide across his lips, his teeth and over his own tongue.

Pushing Brian away,"Stop."

"You sure? That’s not the message I’m getting," Brian whispered, pulling back but continuing to rub circles over Justin’s now hard penis through the fabric.

Justin's eyes closed in pain. Pain from the realization that he did like it and Brian. He did like watching him and he most certainly liked the feeling he was having from Brian's hand, his lips...his tongue. This all pained him very much. "Please."

Dropping his hands away from Justin, "Fine." Frowning, he exhaled the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Rolling his eyes, Brian pushed off returning to the sink. In the mirror he caught Justin’s reflection bearing into him.

Flushed but trying to calm himself, Justin turned asking, "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"You know, are you a homo?"

Facing him, Brian leaned against the sink, arms crossed against his chest. "I think you know the answer to that question but yes, I’m queer. Though, what you should be asking is, are you?"

As Brian turned and walked out of the shower house, Justin heard the night's Taps call signaling lights out.

After that incident in the showers, Justin avoided Brian like the plague. Even at 13 he was old enough to understand ‘guilt by association’ or in this case, ‘fag by association’ and stayed clear of Brian. Though there were times were Brian would magically appear if Mark or any of the other boys started any shit but for the most part, Brian went his way and Justin went the total opposite. But, even though they steered clear, they both watched.

Spending more time with Daphne gave Justin the outlet he needed. He was free to paint, talk and just be...something that he hadn’t been particularly afforded up until now and it was a nice reprieve from sitting around thinking about his life and possible sexual orientation. They talked about anything and everything really- boys, girls, their families and sometimes they discussed what a shit world it really was. And, it came as a quite a shock that he developed a little bit of a crush on Daphne, never realizing that this was normal. He may have forced it upon himself but who knows.

Ben had started dropping by the studio on some days and every so often, nights, under the guise that he needed to talk to Daphne or passing on some particular for the coming day’s events. Daphne saw it for what it was and Justin, well Justin was trying to be as oblivious to Ben’s attention as possible. He was not queer. The crush he was forming on Daphne was fast becoming his salvation and maybe he was willing it a little more than should be but he wanted to have a crush on a girl. Not a boy, not Ben. Certainly not Brian. So, most of the time, it was Daphne, Ben and he and then Melanie, another counselor would drop by to see Daphne.

Brian was not for him he told himself, not even good enough as a friend and his family would say the same, so the point was mute. Obviously they came from different backgrounds-from ridiculously rich to so underneath him that he couldn’t imagine. Those kind of people worked in Justin’s house and drove him around- they didn’t hang out or talk to him unless spoken to. He couldn’t see himself and Brian as friends like he could with Daphne and Ben. But with fascinated interest, Justin was always aware of Brian and found ways to keep up with what he was doing. What he was doing was sneaking out seeing Jason a couple nights a week. Jason would tap on the window below Brian's bed and they went off and did whatever it was they did.

Justin often thought that at 13, they, as in kids his age, were too young to be doing all this. I mean, shouldn't you leave something to save? Be something to look forward to later in life? But, Brian wanted everything and he wanted it now. So what if he was only 13, he'd soon be 14. He wasn't going to miss out on anything if he had his way.

When he thought about all of this, which was a lot by the way, he came to the conclusion that the reason he was happy to see Ben was really the way Ben treated him which was so unlike how Brian did. Ben treated him gently and didn’t discard what he said or did, hell he seemed quite interested in all Justin had to say actually. Never demeaned him or looked put upon by being in the same room. Justin was a master manipulator to say the least and knew how to work a situation to his advantage so his getting hurt or a sudden asthma attack coming on began to become a regular occurrence. Ben and Daphne weren’t there to accost him in the cafeteria or the showers- they were there to help him and counsel him. Be his friend.

Justin didn’t know it but Brian was watching, seeing how close Ben and he were becoming. And, Brian didn’t like it one bit. But of course Justin did like it that Brian didn’t and counted on it for some unknown, confoundable reason. So, as much as Brian liked Jason he still had a thing for Justin. Maybe it was the bird with the broken wing syndrome or some shit like that. But, Brian knew Justin was gay. And, he definitely liked Brian no matter what he says.

Another thing that Brian didn’t like was the fact that Jason was starting to pull away- maybe bored already with him or maybe frustrated at the fact that Brian wouldn’t give it up. Unbeknownst to him, Brian was giving Jason himself very shortly. After that, Jason would be so in love with Brian that he couldn’t possibly bore of him. I mean, Brian was giving himself and that’s a lot, right? 

Brian may talk a good game and in turn, swagger that game all over Pittsburgh and the Pennsylvania woods but truth be told, he was a virgin. A sticking point to Brian definitely but that'd be over soon enough. Brian wanted to shed this particular nuisance very much but was waiting for the right guy. Not wanting to miss out on anything, he still had some pride for himself. Sure, he could fuck Lindsey whenever he wanted or wherever for that matter but she was a girl. Brian wanted it from a guy. Wanted what he got when he sucked Jason off...that taste, the smell, the feeling of all of it. 

Although Michael had hoped that Brian and he would share this together, Brian had no plans or thoughts of doing it with Mikey. He was just the primer. And the letters he’d been receiving from Michael had taken on a desperate tone to say the least. He was having a horrible time-the food, or what little of it was horrible. How could a person survive on celery and apples? Of course Uncle Vic sent him strudel and brownies whenever he could and Michael had to be super sleuth to get those by the counselors as they watched you open every package and letter, even taking away Tic Tacs or Wrigley’s! Anyways, Michael had been pestering Brian about this new boy, Justin. What was going on? What was he like? 

Seems Debbie filled Michael in on their nightly phone conversations and Michael was none too happy. Debbie, for all her wonderful and thoughtful ways was fast becoming a nosy, interfering bitch. There was nothing going on between Brian and Justin! He couldn’t stand that little twit. So no amount of placating Michael in his letters was helping but to Brian, placating meant, "I have no idea what you’re talking about He’s a total loser! Not even hot- he wears glasses for Christ sakes!" Brian did pride himself on honesty, foregoing lies for reality, at least in his mind, and he’d deny it if anyone could confront him on the twist in his gut at the placation.

The big summer dance was coming up and it happened to be on the same day as Brian’s birthday and all the various camps within a twenty mile radius would converge upon Camp Westmont. The science camps, debate camps, fat camps, ballet camps, whatever, they all came here; the dance was a reward to the half way point of camp. There was another big one planned at the end but this one was equally as important. Lindsey had been pestering Brian lately about being his date and making another trip to the boathouse but Brian staved her off as best he could. He was planning on meeting up with Jason later that night and didn't need anything to fuck it up. Bad enough that Mikey would be hanging around, even though he truly missed the boy.

One night, right after lights out, Brian heard a scratching at his window. Jumping down to see who it was, not-so-secretly hoping it was Jason calling for him, he was amazed and disappointed to see it was Lindsey. And she had brought a friend. Brian knew this was coming-Lindsey had been hinting around about it, telling Brian that she’d got a bottle of whiskey and a few joints that her high school boyfriend had brought her. Lindsey was the ultimate WASP, in every way, and that included indulging in things her parents would abhore.

Her friend, Susan, had taken a shining to Justin evidently and since Lindsey knew Brian and Justin were in the same cabin they cooked up a plot that couldn’t go wrong. Lindsey would finally have Brian, no matter how hard to get he was playing and Susan could hook up with her summer crush. Justin had run into Susan a couple of times coming back and forth from the laundry room, but that was about it. They found out they knew some of the same people, had summer homes in the same places and whiled away the spin cycle making chit chat…that was all though, according to Justin, never giving it a second thought. He was too busy being flirty with Daphne and Ben to give a thought to Susan.

So, when Brian opened the window and saw the bottle of whiskey Lindsey was tauting and waving around and heard mention of some doobage, he quickly pulled on some jeans and a shirt. Hell, he was a horny 13 year old and promises of booze and pot were worth a quick fondle and possibly a horrible blowjob but what the hell...he hadn’t met up with Jason in a couple of nights. As he started to climb out the window, Lindsey told him to wake up Justin.

"What for?"

"Because, Susan wants to see Justin."

Looking over to the boy’s bed, "Fuck that-he’s a loser. We’re not even friends, really."

Susan chimed in, "No he’s not. He’s actually kinda sweet and we kinda know each other. Sorta."

Lindsey smiled, whispering, "Come on Brian, we’ve got all this whiskey and pot..."

Justin was awake, had heard it all, cringing. But whatever. Maybe it was time he took a chance. Afterall, Susan was pretty and nice- maybe if he gave her a chance. And it would prove to Brian that he wasn’t like him at all.

As the group of four wandered the trail leading down to the lake, Lindsey stuck to Brian, much to his chagrin and Susan tried to keep up with Justin. 

All the while, down that winding path, both boys ruminated on what lay ahead for the night. Brian, thinking that if he had enough of the whiskey and pot, he could forget Lindsey was a girl and Justin, ignored the beating of his heart and felt the clamminess of Susan’s grasp in his hand, while his eyes were drawn to the moonlit back of the tall, lanky asshole leading them to the boathouse. The light from the sky, between the trees, cast a glow upon Brian and Justin couldn’t look away, never paying attention to the path. 

Those long arms held back the branches for all as they took a shortcut through the woods. The long, smooth fingers gripping his arm as Justin tumbled over a rock. That mouth, red lips and velvet tongue as it demeaned him, "Goddamn, you need a helmet! Come on slowpoke." Okay, get a grip Justin…you hate him. No matter if he is hot. No matter if you want that tongue in your mouth again, that body pressing against you...you hate him. You’re not queer. You like Daphne and Susan. Oh yeah, Susan. You are not queer.

Lighting the latern, Lindsey pulled her jacket off and she and Susan found a spot on the floor with a quilt. Grabbing the bottle out of her hand, Brian took a long swig and passed it to Justin. "No thanks."

"What, you don’t drink?"

"Hardly. I’m only 13."

"You are such a baby! I bet you don’t smoke either- probably damn near kill you with that asthma of yours. Did you bring your inhaler?" Brian laughed, lighting a cigarette and handing Lindsey his lighter as she pilfered a Marlboro from his pack.

"God, Brian. Like, leave him alone!"

Embarrassed, Justin turned away, "Yes."

Relenting, "Good."

"Brian, come sit by me. Come on," Lindsey smiled, trying to sound as sexy as she could.

Begrudgingly Brian took a seat next to Lindsey directly across from Justin. The latern sat in the middle of the semi-circle, illuminating the room. Susan had clamored next to Justin and was currently trying to coax him to kiss her. Smirking, Brian watched the two. Turning his head into her with her hand, Susan smiled, leaning in with her mouth open to kiss Justin.

It wasn’t the same. The second kiss of his life in the last two weeks and it wasn’t the same as Brian’s kiss. It was fumbling and wet, smacking against his mouth...tongue protruding and intruding. No, it wasn’t the same at all.

Lindsey took this time to move into Brian. She placed her hand near his groin and rubbed. Reaching for the bottle again, Brian drank. He watched Susan’s hand curling in the boy’s hair. Hearing her whispers, listening to her moans and then watched as she moved her hand down to his groin area. When Justin’s eyes caught his, they stared for what seemed like an eternity. Then, when Lindsey gripped his dick garnering his attention to her, Brian threw his head back, exhaling then launching himself at her.

Like any good party at the age of thirteen, the make out session was full on. Brian was just about incoherent from the large amounts of whiskey he drank from the quart bottle but Justin was stone sober and wishing he wasn’t. Taking a break from the tongue mauling he was getting from Susan, Justin reached over, grabbed the bottle and took a large gulp. Brian and Lindsey were now laying down and her hand was inside his jeans. Justin continued to swig, watching Brian. His eyes were closed and he lay there while she furiously moved her hand inside. Susan kept trying to move into Justin again. Kept trying to continue but he held her off, telling her he needed to catch his breath. 

Justin couldn’t understand. Why would Brian be with Lindsey if he was a homo? He thought he liked boys...he said he was a queer and he saw them. The look Brian had in the shower house was just like the one Brian was wearing upon him now. Eyes closed, mouth open, breathing erratic.

Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was 1215am. Listening to the quiet, amidst the moans and laughs from Brian and Lindsey, Justin reached for the bag of weed that lay next to the latern. Pulling a joint from the bag, he lit it and inhaled. Coughing insued, but the burn flew through him, relaxing him.

Hearing the coughing, Brian raised up, pushing Lindsey’s hand away. He’d been close but the sound had jarred him from his orgasmic haze. Raising up on his elbows, he watched Justin inhaling. "I'd take it easy if I were you," he said.

Biting back a cough, Justin spat, "Fuck off. I know what I’m doing."

"Okay, your funeral. So, share the wealth," Brian replied, holding his hand out to retrieve the roach. As Justin handed it to him, he felt Brian’s thumb graze his and quickly looked up to catch the smoldering eyes.

Since the joint was gone, Justin reached for the bottle wanting to occupy his hands. If they were idle he might have to feel up Susan again and that wasn’t what he’d wanted to occupy his hands with. He wanted it to be his hand inside Brian’s jeans. His hand moving furiously over Brian’s penis...his hand illiciting those moans and making his eyes roll back. God, this weed is seriously making him crazy. Delusional even. Funny how Brian had thought the same thing while laying on the floor. Wishing it was another blonde who rubbed against him, kissing him.

"So Brian, the dance is coming up."

"Mm," Brian replied, reaching into the bag for another joint.

"Well, are we gonna go?"

"What the fuck else are we supposed to do? It’s not like we can get out of that bullshit."

"Maybe we could all go together? What do you say, Justin?" Susan smiled.

Laying back on the quilt,"Whatever."

"Well, you all may be going together, but I’m going by myself. My friend Mikey’s coming and I want to hang out with him."

"Brian! You asshole, you promised!"

"Lindsey, quit being such a bitch. And, I never promised you anything."

"But, I thought since we,"

Shutting this down quickly, Brian glanced at Justin who was practically oblivious to his surroundings. Noticed the boy’s slack body across the room, shirt bunched up over the waist of his cargo shorts, spread tight against his chest, pale, soft smooth skin. "You thought wrong. So, Sunshine- you gonna be a good little boyfriend and escort your new girlfriend to the dance?"

Leaning back on his elbows now, Justin was completely relaxed. His pupils were dilated and he was squinting, trying to bring the two Brians he saw back to one. One Brian was bad enough even if he was beautiful lying there with his jeans unbuttoned and his bangs falling over his eyes. That mouth, God, what is it with that mouth? "Huh?"

Laughing, "Somebody’s stoned."

They smoked the rest of the roach and as much as she tried, Brian wasn’t interested so Lindsey abruptly said they were leaving. To Susan’s dismay, they were going back to their cabin. Lindsey was pissed...this hadn’t turned out how she imagined. Brian had shut down, wanting nothing more to do with her now that the bottle was empty. As Susan waved goodbye to an almost comatose Justin, Brian waved them off.

About thirty minutes later, Justin shot up out of his drug and alcohol induced sleep. Not realizing where he was, he took in the dimly lit boat house and saw Brian sitting across from him smoking a cigarette, staring at him.

"What time is it?"

Shrugging, "About 2 or so."

"We should get back."

Nodding, "Probably."

"What’s wrong? Is there something wrong?" Justin asked, studying Brian’s quiet demeanor.

Glancing at Justin, "No. Let’s go."

Turning out the latern, they picked up the cigarette butts and looked around for anything that would signal late night interlopers and walked out into the early morning moonlight.

As they walked in silence, Justin asked what he’d been wanting to ask, "Hey, I thought you were. I mean, how come you were doing all that with Lindsey if you’re, you know?"

Stopping in his tracks, Brian whipped around. "What?"

"I mean, you said you were...queer."

"And?"

"And? So, why’d you do that with her?"

"It’s nothing. I was horny and she wanted to jerk me off. No big deal. A hand is just a hand as a mouth is just a mouth."

"I don’t understand."

"Right. Like Ben hasn’t been showing you that."

"What?" Justin cried out, astonished. "I’m not doing anything with Ben!"

"Whatever. Look, I’ve seen the way you and him act together. How he’s always coming by to see you."

"That doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends- he’s my counselor. Are you jealous or something?"

Brian stopped and looked at Justin. Took in his eyes, his body leaning against the tree, "Hardly."

Hmph. "Besides, I like Daphne."

Laughing, Brian asked, "Daphne? You’ve got to be kidding me!"

"What?"

"You're so lame. Daphne’s a dyke."

"A what?"

"You know, she’s queer too."

"No she’s not!"

"Yes, she is. God, you really are dumb aren’t you? For all those smarts you say you have, you’re ignorant as shit."

"She likes me! We paint together and draw and talk and stuff. If she was queer, I’d know it."

"Okay, fine. But, haven’t you ever seen her with Melanie?"

"Yeah, so? They’re friends."

"Exactly. Real close friends."

Brian, tiring of this bullshit, started walking again with Justin lagging behind. He was deep in thought and when he looked up, Brian was nowhere in sight. Fuck. It’s dark and he’s in the woods all alone now. Where the fuck did he go? Calling out softly, "Brian?" Hearing nothing but the sordid scary sounds that the woods seem to make, he stopped. "Brian? Brian!"

Justin heard some wood cracking and ran behind a tree. His heart was beating through his chest and his breathing became rapid. Not a good time for this crap. He tried to calm himself but his imagination got away from him and visions of hockey-masked, bat wielding, freaks of nature ran rampant through his mind. Quickly shutting his eyes and covering his ears, he crouched down the base of the tree, rocking back and forth to will the fear and anxiety away. It was then that he felt someone’s grip on his arm, pulling him up. Oh god!

"What’s the matter with you? I can’t leave you alone for one second!"

Hearing Brian’s voice, Justin exhaling his held breath opened his eyes, "I’m so glad it’s you."

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, "Who else is it gonna be?"

"You left me."

"You’re too slow. I turned around and you weren’t behind me. I should have just kept on but knowing you, you’d find a hole to fall into."

Looking away, Justin wrenched his arm from Brian. "Sorry I’m such an inconvenience."

As Brian took in Justin’s embarrassment, he relaxed. Michael was afraid of the dark as well. "Whatever. Can we go now?"

"I have to pee."

Hand on hip, Brian stood while the Justin trudged over behind a tree. He lit a cigarette while waiting. When Justin came back, he noticed the cigarette. "You know, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you."

"Everything’s bad for you. So what?"

"Just saying is all."

"Well, don’t bother yourself about it. You don’t like me anyways, right?"

Watching Brian flick the butt and seeing the way his body stood there, "Right."

"So, is Susan a good kisser?"

"Okay, I guess. I’ve had better." Not really but he’s not telling him that.

Laughing, "Really?"

"Yes! God, why are you always so mean to me? You think you’re so cool because smoke and you’re a good soccer player and you’re..."

"I’m what?"

"Nothing, forget it."

"Come on Sunshine, what were you going to say? Spit it out," Brian drawled, moving closer to Justin and in turn, Justin backed away from him into a tree. Soon, Justin was pinned against the tree, looking anywhere but at Brian.

Closer. Closer still. "Don’t."

"Don’t what? I’m not doing anything."

"Just stay back, okay?" Justin pushed, not wanting Brian any closer for fear of what he may want. Or of what Justin may want as well.

Face to face, Brian brushed the leaves out of Justin’s hair, staring into his eyes.

"I make you nervous, don’t I?"

"No!"

Tongue in cheek, the ever present smirk,"Then why won’t you look me in the eye?"

"No reason, okay?"

"There's a reason, believe me."

"Oh yeah? And why's that smart ass?"

"I think it's because you like me."

"No!"

Eyes lit up, mouth drawn into an unbelievable smile, "I think you do like me even though you don’t want to." Tracing circles on Justin’s stomach with his hand, Brian moved closer in, blocking out all space between them.

"I’m just confused. You’re confusing me and I’m drunk or something."

"I’d say ‘or something’. What’s to be confused about or have you found the answer to your question?"

"I’m not," Justin replied, whispering even though no one could hear. Brian leaned in closer, rubbing Justin’s cheek. 

"Your eyes are so blue," Brian whispered, moving his hand to grip the back of Justin’s neck. Keeping his hand there, he waited.

It’s like he couldn’t stand it if they didn’t touch. He wanted to be close to Brian. Feel his breath in his face again, feel his hands on him, touching him. No matter what his mind said, his body and the pounding in his heart told him he wanted this.


	3. Summer Camp

Justin pressed forward to gain contact with Brian’s body. Looking up, taking in Brian’s face and feeling his grip on his neck, his hand moved to Brian’s back...pushing him impossibly closer.

Brian then leaned into Justin’s neck, rubbing his cheek and nose into the crease, smelling the scent of fresh, soaped skin mixed with the night air while his hand gripped, then released the nape of Justin’s neck.

Whispering in his ear, Brian told Justin how hot he thought he was. How soft his skin was, how much he wanted to kiss him. How hard he made him and that he wanted to touch him...please, let me touch you. You’ll like it...it’s awesome...it’s so fucking good. And all this was getting to Justin. Feeling Brian press into him, his breath on his neck, those words telling him what he’d fantasized about hearing. Fantasized late at night about, inside his cabin as he looked up to see Brian’s lanky sleeping form. Leaning into Brian’s face, Justin nuzzled his cheek and moved his hand from Brian’s back to his stomach, rubbing...touching.

Brian then leaned in, kissing Justin's lips, pushing his tongue through the half open lips, licking and swirling, basting. Stopping for a breath, Brian held Justin's cheek, moving his nose over his, "Have you had better than that?" he rasped, licking those lips again. When Justin didn't respond, Brian leaned in again, more forceful this time and smiled when he felt Justin grab the back of his head, twisting his fingers in his hair urging Brian on.

Slouching down Justin’s body, Brian came to rest upon his knees with his face against Justin’s stomach. Slinking his hand up, pushing the Tshirt higher, exposing the pale skin once again, Brian licked, sighing. Looking up, Brian whispered, "It's about to get better."

He finally had him where he wanted him. Couldn’t deny the feelings that Justin illicited in him. Watching the boy, catching glimpses of him in the shower while he was unawares. Steamed with jealousy while Ben pawned and preened all about Justin. Lying in bed at night, the smell of Justin still swarming over him from that brief few minutes...the feel of his mouth on his. Lips so soft, so unlike Jason’s.

Moving his tongue around Justin’s stomach as Justin took in a sharp breath. Looking down at the boy in front of him, he felt as Brian pulled down the zipper of his shorts and moved his hand inside. Touching him. Pulling him, all the while, moving his face further closer. When he felt it, Brian’s tongue on his dick, he jumped back, scratching his back on the tree bark. Perching on his toes, his hands sought something to hold on to, to grip, to steady himself.

Brian’s head was bobbing now, his mouth was so tight and warm and his tongue was all over. His hand rose to caress Justin’s chest, moving his Ttshirt higher as Brian’s hand found his nipples. 

He’d never felt this. Never. Even when he’d jerk himself off with the nudie mags it was never like this. When he’d fantasize about Daphne it was never like this. True, his fantasies were more of the ‘getting married and having children and leaving every morning for work kind of thing’, but nothing like this.

It was as if Brian was taking a part of him, stealing something from him that was precious. Only, it couldn’t be described as theft since he was willingly giving it away. Brian began to pinch his nipples, moaning as his tongue and mouth laved attention. The suction was so great, so tight it almost hurt but he’d give anything to feel this hurt every second for the rest of his life. Suddenly, he felt euphoria rising through his body and it was an uncontrollable urge. His toes tingled and his mouth was suddenly dry then watering and then, then...OH MY GOD!

 

Justin couldn’t believe this incredible feeling. That intense, heart pounding, chest heaving, blood rushing, feeling. And now it was over. Brian, still on his knees, licking the remnants of him, rubbing his stomach, murmuring soft unintelligible things against his skin. Reaching down, Justin caressed Brian’s cheek to gain his attention and those eyes shone up at him. Smiling, he reached towards his shoulder, pulling him up. Brian, slinking up Justin’s body, still breathing heavily, hadn’t wanted to move from his spot.

"Good, huh?"

"It’s...God, it was!"

Laughing, "Yeah, I told you."

The quiet encompassing them, Brian reached to grab the back of Justin’s neck pulling their foreheads together. Smiling to the beat of his racing heart, "That was really hot."

"Yeah, no wonder you like Jason," the blond said hurriedly.

Brian noticed the flushed face, taking in the way that Justin slightly cowered, trying to cover himself by hugging his arms, indicating embarrassment or shyness but most probably with Justin, self consciousness. The boy lacked self esteem even though he seemed the biggest, most self assured snot in all of Pennsylvania. Probably due to the sheltered disgustingly rich life, Brian noted. 

Not one to give compliments and praise, Brian realized that this would be a good time to reassure the boy that his earlier statement of receptacles clearly did not apply at this juncture, "Jason? No, I mean we were hot. With you. I liked it *with* you. Alot," Brian whispered.

His heart going kerplunk straight to his toes, bottoming to the ground, Justin felt an almost allergic reaction to the situation, not unlike hives caused by nervousness. Starting to shake, he hugged Brian to him, needing the closeness and the warmth. 

Justin smiled and then realized that he was buck naked from the waist down with his cargos pooling at his feet. His body shivered where Brian hadn’t blanketed him and the bit of his own semen that splattered upon his navel that Brian hadn’t caught was now cooling in the morning air.

Brian, watching Justin’s eyes darting back and forth from his face to his own body, couldn’t help but hug the boy to him. Allowing Justin to gain some self composure, Brian backed away, releasing his hold from Justin’s hips but first pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Let’s go, we gotta get back."

Feeling Brian retreat from him Justin stammered, "Oh, okay." Reaching down to pull up his shorts and push his shirt down, Justin adjusted, taking a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. What he’d just done. What they’d done together! Flashing back to the night in the showers, watching Brian’s face in ecstasy...he wondered if he’d looked like that. He sure felt that. And more.

On the walk back, Brian leading with Justin at his side, he was torn. And fucked, in his honest opinion. He truly liked Justin-everything about him. From his blue eyes and dorky glasses, the beaming smile and white teeth to the way he flushed red with embarrassment at the drop of a dime when Brian would shock him, telling him some ridiculous or ludicrous story just to see his reaction. Brian loved Justin’s pretty face and slight body. His lips, how they were so full and red. How he blushed, whimpered and moaned when Brian touched him or when Brian caught him staring at him and Justin, in haste, fled or not so nonchalantly tried to look away. 

But, with all these feelings for Justin...how he just wanted to be close to him and hold him and touch him...be with him, he was having a hard time acclimating himself to these feelings. As much as he’d wanted Jason to feel this way about him, God Jason- how quickly he’d forgotten about him-he’d paid no mind to himself feeling like this for someone. Only wanting love and affection and feelings showered upon him, craving it almost. Sure, Mikey showed him and told him how much he loved him-it was different though, he didn’t love Michael back the way he loved him. 

Brian didn’t know how to love someone or care for them other than kicking someone’s ass in defense, offering a crying shoulder to Mikey, listening to them and just being there...but this was way different. What he felt for Justin was so very different than anything he’d ever felt and it amazed him that in such a short time, he world had been turned upside down. The boy was obviously a mess. Allergic to everything, a walking punching bag, rude and overtly snotty disposition...but still, he was so likeable and most importantly, very cute. No matter how hard Brian had tried to shake him from his thoughts, he was like glue. He'd gotten to Brian in a big way...burst in without ever knowing it.

Brian didn’t know how to love someone or what to do with these feelings and thoughts hammering in his head and heart. He was pissed at himself for the things that flew out of his mouth, when he was with Justin. For the way he always kept an eye out, how he watched the boy in rapt fascination and lust. He was pissed, angry and confused and conflicted but it wouldn’t keep him from Justin...he needed him and wanted this, no matter how it tore at him.

But he did know one thing for sure. He didn’t want to feel any of this. 

To fill Brian’s silence Justin jabbered away as they made their way back to Cabin 11. 

Getting into their beds, Justin smiled up at Brian as he watched him skim off his shirt, throwing it to the floor. "Goodnight," he whispered.

Rolling over to his side, leaning his head on his elbow, Brian smiled despite his conflicted feelings, "Night." Watching Justin roll over to face the wall, Brian continued to watch the boy until he heard his breathing steady to sleep.

Across the room, Mark was awake. Watching. And Brian knew it.

The next week or so was good between them and so were the nights. They snuck out returning to the boat house when they could to lie together, kissing, touching and talking to one another without constraint. Learning more about each other, Brian eased off his rant about Justin being a rich boy even though Justin had money, his life wasn’t happy and now Brian knew why. Maybe they weren't so different after all.

Justin told him about Matthew, about how he was his only friend, the only one who understood him and how he’d lost him. Justin recounted his devastation to Brian and Brian understood completely. If he’d ever lost Mikey, Brian knew he’d be lost himself.

"I can't wait for you to come over, spend the night at my house. Is it far from where you live?"

Watching the light, Brian replied, "Not too far, just across town."

"We'll have so much fun! I have a pool and we can ride horses if you like or play video games. Whatever you want."

Smiling, Brian daydreamed of days and nights spent in luxury at Justin's house. The hired help waiting on him for a change. Swimming in the pool, hanging out, no one there to bother you...just being a kid. With Justin.

Together around the latern, with the blanket over them, Justin timidly asked Brian what had been on his mind. "So, are we like boyfriends now?"

Snickering, Brian turned his head to Justin. Staring at the boy, he watched the nervousness come into Justin’s features. "What? Are you serious? You want to go to the dance together or something?"

"Matthew and I were boyfriends."

Rolling his eyes, Brian sarcastically remarked,"You and Matthew were playmates not boyfriends." 

"That's not true! I loved him and he loved me."

"Yeah well, Matthew is dead. Look what it got him," Brian pushed.

Eyes wide, Justin jumped up, "Why do you do that? How come you have to be this asshole all the time?"

Looking up at Justin, "I’m sorry I said that...I didn't mean it. Come here. Come on," Brian replied, reaching out his hand to Justin. Taking it, Justin sat back down next to Brian.

Rocking against him, Brian tried to smile at him, grinning, "Give me a kiss."

Justin cut his eyes to Brian, lying down, angry. "You wish."

Rolling to his side, Brian propped his head upon his elbow, reaching over to turn Justin’s face to his. "Justin, don’t you understand? We’re supposed to be with girls...fuck girls and then grow up, have kids and then die. Nothing else. Boys, men, don't do that with each other...at least they don't let people know it."

"You act like you don't care at all when you're with Jason. And the way you talk...how come now with me, it's a secret. Are you ashamed of being with me?"

"No, stupid. I don't want you to get hurt or have to go through what I go through, have been through."

"Oh, you think I'm weak and can't take it?"

"Yes, I do.."

"Yes you do, what? You think I'm weak?"

"Yeah."

"God, I hate you sometimes! I don't know why I even bother. You're such an asshole. One minute you're on me and the next you seem repulsed."

"It's not like that. God, you're so stupid! I'm can't be your boyfriend Justin, not the way you want us to be. But, we are friends, okay? Good friends. And, when we're together, we're together. But it's not anyone's fucking business what we do. Do you understand? It's this way for a reason."

" You're the one that came after me! And, now I have to just turn it off? Be someone else?"

"Oh, like you didn't want it!"

"I didn't say I didn't but God...It’s not fair. My life is so fucked up."

"Yeah, well whose isn’t? It’s the way it is and nobody said it was fair."

"Whatever, this sucks."

"Look, I wouldn’t be here with you if I didn’t want to. I like you too, so stop being an idiot. But, I don’t like getting the shit kicked out of me Justin! And you shouldn’t either. We have to be careful Justin," he replied. 

Brian was anything but ashamed, and this pained him to tell Justin to stymie what he was. But enough beatings and being around enough to know how it was, Brian knew it was best to keep some things hidden.

Jealous and insecure, "I heard Jason tapping on the window last night. How come you didn’t go with him?"

Huffing, lying on his back to stare at the ceiling, "I didn’t feel like it."

Pushing the matter, Justin droned on. "Since when?"

"Drop it, okay?" Brian spat, lighting a cigarette.

While Brian smoked his cigarette, Justin lie there, watching. Seeing how the light cast their shadows upon the wooden walls, Justin wished for his sketchbook or something to do with his idle hands. He knew what Brian was saying was true...it made sense. But he wouldn't feel ashamed of how he felt.

Closing his eyes, Justin listened to Brian’s breath and the creaking of the dock in the distance, hearing the water lap against the rocks. Feeling Brian’s hand on his cheek, he opened his eyes.

"Don’t fall asleep on me," Brian smiled.

"Well, while you’re killing yourself one cigarette at a time, I’m bored."

"You need something to do?"

Laughing, Justin smiled, "Maybe."

Reaching for his hand, Brian pulled Justin flush against him. "Touch me. Jerk me off."

Moving his hand under the blanket, Justin reached for Brian’s shorts. Opening the fly, he snaked his hand in through the hole of Brian’s boxers. Feeling the warm, slightly hard penis, Justin stroked. 

"God, that feels so good. Yeah, slower. Like that," Brian, whispering as his lids fluttered, hiding his eyes. His mouth slack, deep breaths causing his chest to rise and fall at a rapid pace. "Justin," he whispered.

Moving closer, Justin placed his other hand at Brian’s mouth, grazing his lips with the pads of his fingers. Brian’s tongue flicked out at the touch on his lips, licking then latching onto Justin’s fingers with his teeth.

Watching how Brian’s hands curled at his side, gripping the blanket, beating on the floor, reaching out blindly for purpose, Justin urged him on, "Come on. Feels good...you look so good Brian." Grasping Justin’s arm, Brian’s eyes shot open as he came, words tumbling out of his mouth, "Yes! Christ!" Justin continued to stroke until Brian almost cried out, milking the come from him, rubbing his fingers in it, swirling it over Brian’s taut stomach, then leaning over to lick the swirls away with his tongue. Almost unintelligible, Brian murmured through his breath, whispering to himself, "Justin, love you."

Shaking himself out of his haze, sitting up quickly, Brian pounced on Justin, pulling down his shorts, taking his dick in his hand, roughly jerking him off. Leaning down to swipe a lick and suckle him, Justin exploded all over his belly then Brian lapped some of it up, kissing Justin.

Pulling apart, with Brian looming over him, "Brian, I-"

Shaking his head, "Don’t. Don’t say it," Brian replied, moving away from Justin, and pulling his pants up. 

Still lying there, Justin watched and waited as Brian shut down completely. Just a minute ago, there was so much there in his eyes, dancing in the flickering flame. Whispered murmurings of what Brian felt for Justin came out when they were together, but if Justin tried to repeat them at audible level, Brian admonished him- trying to deny what he uttered and felt, almost shaming Justin. It seemed that if Justin repeated aloud what Brian had thought and couldn’t help letting escape then all would be lost.

On their way back to the cabin, Jason spied them coming through the woods on his way to their cabin. He’d wanted to catch up with Brian, having missed him the last few nights but he was never around or didn’t answer his knocking on the window. He stood there, watching as they walked away and he didn't like the feeling he felt, hoping he wasn't being replaced. Even though Brian was 13, almost 14, and Jason was 17, Brian didn't look or act his age. And, Jason had started to like Brian the more they were together.

The next morning in the cafeteria, the boys were in line for breakfast. Pushing Justin ahead of him in line, they piled their plates with eggs and sausages and toast. Stopping at the milk and juice, Justin grabbed four glasses with his hands and asked Brian to take his tray to the table for him while he retrieved their juice. While Justin poured, Brian walked to a table carrying both trays not paying attention to where he was walking. About the time he noticed Mark and his other cabin mates, Brian was going down, trays and all. In a heap on the floor with the littered trays and morning breakfast around him, amidst the laughter and shocked faces, Brian grabbed his ankle in pain. Mark and his buddies took this moment to leave the café before they were noticed as the culprits. "Payback’s a bitch," Mark spat, looking down at Brian and laughing. 

"You motherfucker!" Brian shouted in pain as he watched them slink off. Trying to get himself up, wincing from the pain and swelling, Ben and Jason came over and tried to help. Justin ran over to see what caused the commotion, noticing Brian being helped up by Jason.

"Brian! What happened?" Justin screeched, coming to stand next to him, holding his arm.

Noticing the look of sheer terror in the boys eyes, Brian looked away. "I tripped."

"You tripped? Are you sure? Did someone do this? Did Mar-"

Cutting his eyes to Justin in admonishment, silencing him, "I said I tripped!" Better it was Brian than Justin, in his mind.

Justin, starting to continue, stopped at Brian’s eyes. "Here, lean on me," he said, grabbing Brian’s hand away from Jason’s grasp. Pulling Brian’s arm over his shoulder, he moved Brian to the table, setting him down gently.

Ben and Jason both noticed the closeness between the boys. Days before they’d been merely two patrons at camp, not the close friends they appeared to be now. Ben was a little surprised at how Justin took to Brian’s side, remembering in their talks how Justin expressed dislike for Brian. How he thought he was so cool- he smoked and that was just gross-he was gruff and treated Justin like shit. 

And Jason noticed how Brian’s eyes wouldn’t meet his. How Justin gripped Brian’s waist while easing him down with Brian leaning against him. Having seen them last night, remembered how Brian complained and bitched about some prima donna in his cabin who should be living in a plastic bubble rather than off at camp in the woods. Constantly bitching about how the little blond was fey and how accident prone he was. The blond boy was one in the same from last night. 

Yes, things had dramatically changed between them seemingly overnight.

"You need to go to the nurse, Brian," Justin said, swiping Brian’s hair out of his face. 

Flinching from the intimate contact, Brian spat, "Fuck that. I need a bandage and some ice. This is nothing! I’ve had worse."

Recoiling from Brian’s anger and dismissal of him, Justin replied barely above a whisper, "I’ll go get it for you. Be right back." As he walked up to the line, to ask the Cafeteria Lady for a bag of ice, he looked back and saw Jason gathering Brian up, taking him out of the café. Brian’s arm was draped over Jason’s shoulder and Jason’s hands were now holding Brian, touching him...gripping him and holding him close. Swallowing the horrible feeling, Justin bucked up as the woman handed him the bag of ice. Turning around, he practically bumped into Ben.

Standing face to face, Ben hesitantly spoke, "Jason took him to the cabin."

Looking in the direction they had gone, "Yeah, I saw. I got the ice."

Nodding, Ben replied, "Come on, I’ll walk you." They retrieved the ACE bandages from the nurses station and walked back to cabin row.

Along the way Ben tried to make small talk with Justin. "So, how’s the painting coming along?"

Not too talkative at the moment, Justin exhaled, "Good. It’s fine."

"You know, you really are talented Justin."

Turning his head to look at Ben, Justin smiled at the easiness. "Thanks Ben. That’s nice of you."

"You know, Brian'll be alright. Don’t think he’ll be playing soccer in the tournament, but he’ll be okay."

"God, that’ll kill him!"

"Wow, you two seem pretty close now. When did this all happen? Just the other day you couldn’t stand him," Ben inquired, his jealousy eeking out. 

"It wasn’t like that. Oh, he’s okay. He’s actually kind of sweet once you get to know him."

"Brian? Sweet? If you say so," Brian shrugged in disbelief. 

Stopping in front of the cabin, Justin stood in front of Ben. "Well, here we are. I’ll wrap his foot up and stay with him to make sure he elevates it. It looked swollen already."

Nodding, Ben steeled himself as he was being blown off. "Yeah, okay. So, are you going to come by the studio tonight?"

"Oh, I don’t know. I think Brian needs me."

Squaring his jaw at the dismissal, "Okay. So, see you later? If you need anything or if Brian needs anything, you know where I am."

Waving Ben off, anxious to get into see Brian, "Okay. Bye Ben. And thanks."

Walking up the steps, Justin peered in and saw Brian at his bed. With Jason. Jason was helping Brian remove his jeans. Justin moved out of sight, his arrival unknown. 

"Here, lean into me," Jason asked, holding Brian’s hip. Slinking the jeans off his left leg, Jason rearranged himself to Brian’s right side to get the other leg off.   
Brian wincing in pain, clung to Jason.

"Sorry I didn’t come by to get you last night," Jason whispered, knowing that he had indeed come by, wanting to judge Brian’s reaction.

"No big deal."

His heart pounding, wondering if he should be watching this, but unable to tear himself away, Justin stayed and listened.

"I really wanted to see you, but I had this thing," said Jason as they stood together with Brian in his boxers. Rubbing his hand down Brian’s arm, "I missed you."

Moving out of his touch, Brian replied, "Yeah."

Not liking being shone up by a little blond 13 year old, "What’s the matter?"

"Nothing, my fucking ankle is killing me. I need to sit down."

"This ones empty?" Jason asked, pointing to the bottom bunk, knowing Brian slept in the top.

Brian, wondering where the hell Justin was with his ice and wrap, "Yeah, it’s empty."

"Here, I’ll make up the bed for you."

"No, that’s okay. Justin'll do it for me. He should be here any minute," Brian replied, trying to get Jason to leave.

"What’s the deal with you two? You told me you hated him and called him a little sissy. And now you’re all tight? What, is he like your boyfriend now or something?"

Rolling his eyes, Brian was getting tired of this. "Shut up Jason! Look, can you just go now? I’m fine but I need to lie down."

Motioning Brian to the bed, Jason moved him as gently as he could, maneuvering Brian down. Standing up, Jason grabbed Brian’s sheets and blanket, bringing them down and covering Brian. As Brian lie there, his eyes to the door, waiting for Justin, Jason moved his hand underneath the covers. Rubbing Brian’s crotch through the thin boxers, "Does that feel good? I’ll make it up to you for missing last night."

"Stop Jason. Come on, leave me alone."

"It’ll take your mind off the pain. Relax, I know you like this. You love it."

As much as Brian wanted Jason to leave, he couldn’t stop himself from relaxing into his touch, rubbing and pulling, stroking his dick. His whole body shut down, his ankle throbbing but the pleasure was almost drowning it out. 

"Yeah, there it is. I know how to make you feel good...better than he can," Jason whispered as Brian began to lick his lips, throwing his head back on the pillow. In his mind he knew he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t like Jason’s touch...but it was too much.

As Justin stood outside the door, not hearing any voices, he dared to come in. He felt horrible for eavesdropping and hated himself even more when he heard Brian tell Jason that he would fix up his bed for him. Chancing it, he opened the screen door, silently shutting it so as not to let it slam. Eyes cast to the floor, with bag of melting ice and wrap in hand, he walked briskly over to their bunks. 

Looking up, he saw Jason and Brian in bed. Saw Brian’s body under the sheet, with Jason leaning over him, kissing him. Shocked and hurt, Justin cleared his throat. 

Brian’s eyes flew open and the realization that Justin was there, seeing he and Jason caused him to come, unavoidably and regrettably. Jason, smirking, turned to see Justin’s eyes tearing up, wanting for him to see them together, staking his claim.

"Justin," Brian rasped, in shock.

"I see you’re feeling better. You’re such a liar!" Justin shouted, throwing the bag of ice and bandage at them, hitting Jason in the back. Turning quickly to get out of the cabin, Justin heard Brian call after him. Yelling for him to come back...but he did not. He also heard Jason laughing. Throwing the screen door open he ran. He stopped when he saw Ben.

 

After Justin ran out, Brian pushed Jason off of him and tried to get up to go after him. Remembering his ankle, he winced in pain, falling back into bed. After a few attempts, Jason backed off of trying to appease Brian. "Get the fuck out of here, Jason!"

"What’s the big deal?"

"Did you have to laugh at him? Asshole! He hates me now. Happy?"

"Actually, I am. He’s a kid Brian. Why’d you want a scrawny little kid over someone like me?"

"Jason, he’s my age. So, if he’s a kid then so am I. And, for that matter, why would someone like you want someone some ‘little kid’ like me?"

"You’re far from being a little kid or was I dreaming it was you blowing me in the showers?"

"Well, that’s over now."

"Seriously? Over that?" Jason exclaimed, pointing in the direction Justin had fled.

"Just go."

"Huh. That's a shame. Ben likes him though...doubt he'll wait around for you if Ben's there to mend his little broken heart."

Brian refused to look at him so Jason left in a huff.

When Justin ran into Ben at the docks, his face was flushed and the tears that he had tried to prevent ran freely down his face. Ben caught his arm, stopping him and whipping him around, each facing one another.

Taking in Justin’s face and demeanor, "Justin, are you okay? What’s going on? Did something happen?"

Steadying himself and refusing to cow to the situation, "No. I’m not okay. But, I will be." Defiant as always, Justin reached up, pulling Ben’s face to his, kissing him. In plain site. Broad daylight. 

Quickly breaking apart, pushing his hands onto Justin’s chest and backing away, "What are you doing, Justin?"

Crestfallen and yet another rejection, Justin steeled himself, slapping his hands to his side. Defeat. The agony. He began to cow. Turning, "Sorry."

Ben watched Justin turn and start off in the direction of the woods. "Hey, wait up." Catching up with the boy, Ben stopped him, wiping away the errant tears. "Are you okay?"

"Do you care?"

"Of course I care Justin. But, you can’t do that. We can’t do that here."

"Right. Of course. My mistake. Someone might see us- how stupid of me to forget. Sorry," Justin smiled falsely and continued walking, wrenching his arm out of Ben’s grasp.

Reaching out again, Ben walked briskly to catch up with Justin. "Hey, it’s not that!. Yeah, someone might see us. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it."

Halting at Ben’s words, Justin turned. "Do you? Really?" Afraid to smile, afraid to feel happiness...just glad someone might really want *him* for once.

Smiling, "Yes, I do. But, one question."

Looking away, his eyes catching the clouds passing by on this beautiful summer day, "It’s over."

Watching Justin’s avoidance to eye contact, he took in the boy’s full appearance. Shoulders slumped, teary eyed, flushed cheeks, ruddy face from exhaustion, more probably, a broken heart. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Alright then. Come on, we’ll go to the studio."

"Okay."

Back at the cabin, Brian limped out of bed, moving to stand on the front porch slamming himself upon the porch swing. Swaying back and forth, his eyes scanned the nearby clearing then drifting to the athletic field, narrowing on the path to the woods. Knowing Justin like he thought he did Brian figured him for some alone time. Probably at the boathouse. 

He’d not meant for that to happen with Jason. Not meant for any of it, let alone Justin’s eyes seeing it. Brian hadn’t really thought about Jason since the first night in the woods...all he thought about was Justin. And how different they were but how right they seemed. This morning, when Mark tripped him, his first thought upon flailing to the floor had been of Justin. Where was he? Was he next? And then when Justin touched him, in front of Ben and Jason...in front of everyone! He shut himself down, flinching from that touch. That contact. He’d told him time and again that they couldn’t be open like that. They’d be sitting ducks, bait for the bashers. But if he was truthful, as much as the touch made him recoil, he’d wanted so much to lean into it. Feel Justin’s hands on him. Caring for him. Touching him. 

Brian waited on the porch. After all the other kids had come and gone, coming back from sports or whatever, showering and changing for dinner, making their phone calls, through mail call- Brian waited.

While Brian waited, Justin spent his time in the studio with Ben. Trying to calm the boy, bringing a better mood or frame of mind to the situation, he’d tried all he could think of to cheer the boy up. Telling jokes, making stupid faces- but that was something to did to cheer up a sick child, a hurt boy. Ben knew Justin wasn’t just some kid, but the way he wrung his hands, head low, eyes flighty, Ben realized that Justin was very mature for his age and gauging his current situation. Only recollecting plus gathering some information from Daphne, Ben knew of Justin’s home life but nothing of the loss of Matthew or whatever else seemed to haunt the boy.

"You can talk to me, Justin. Okay?"

"But, you want more than that, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I see the way you look at me. It’s nice you know? And Brian, he...well. Nevermind."

"Did you and Brian have a fight?"

"You could say that."

Not wanting to force the issue onto Justin, Ben treaded lightly, skirting. “"ell, I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably be back close as ever tomorrow."

"I don’t think so."

"And why’s that?"

"I think you know. Don’t you? You knew, you have to."

"About Jason? Yes, I knew. But, I thought it was over."

"Me too. I thought it was too. And, me and Brian?"

"Yeah, I knew that as well. I could tell, you know?"

Shaking his head in acknowledgement, Justin looked up to the sun.

"If it’s any consolation, it doesn’t mean anything. I mean, Jason and Brian aren’t...you know."

"Well, me and Brian *are*. And, it always means something Ben. Always!" Wincing from the pain in his young heart, "Even if just for a short while...it still does."

Moving closer to Justin, Ben reached out, tentatively touching Justin’s cheek. "I thought you said it was over."

Leaning his head into the touch, body going slack for that hunger of human touch and compassion or something akin to it that validates your being, Justin felt Ben’s warm palm against his cheek, his fingers on his neck. Closing his eyes, Ben moved closer, turning so that they stood face to face, only Ben’s height, much like Brian, had him towering over Justin. His other hand holding onto Justin’s head, opposite the other, he lifted Justin’s face to meet his. With a questioning look, Ben’s eyes asked the question.

"Yeah, I mean, we *were*," and Justin’s hands wrapped around Ben’s hips, pressing them closer at the crotch area. "Kiss me."

And then Ben did.

After dinner Daphne came by Cabin 11 to check on her wayward ward. Trotting up the steps, she glanced Brian on the porch swing. "I brought you some dinner. Sloppy Joe’s," she said, holding the tin foil covered Chinet within Brian’s reach. 

"Slop is right. Besides, I’m not hungry."

Nodding to herself, Daphne placed the plate on the railing and moved to sit next to Brian on the swing. In the silence of dusk, swaying back and forth, they sat.

"What time is it?"

Glancing at her watch, "Uh, quarter to seven."

"Hm."

"Waiting on someone?"

Not giving the satisfaction of a frontal acknowledgement or denial, Brian rolled his eyes.

"I know about you."

Chuckling to himself, "Takes one to know one. Right?"

Laughing a little herself, "No, I know about you and Jason. And Ben. Oh, and Justin."

Justin’s name caught his attention, causing Brian to look at the girl sitting next to him. "Really? And what is this that you think you know? Hm?"

Baiting him, "It’ll be alright, Brian. He’ll be alright. He’s with Ben."

Squaring his jaw, his eyes momentarily squeezing shut as his heart dropped to the floor, Brian realized his suspicions were being confirmed in a big way. "Great. I’m sure Ben, the great counselor that he is, is doing fine by young Justin."

Watching Brian, taking in his clenched fist, knuckles white not from the swelling in his ankle, Daphne curiously pushed further. "It’s okay you know? To be who you are."

"And who am I?"

"A normal 13 year old boy. Dealing with life, love and realization. It’s normal Brian."

"I’m almost 14. And, I may be dealing with a lot of shit but love ain’t one of them."

Smirking, "Whatever."

Daphne got up to leave, "Eat something, okay?"

"You know, we've been here four weeks and this is the first time you've actually talked to me. What, they coming down hard on the counselors if they don't 'reach out' to the lost causes?"

"You walk the other way when you see me, so what's the big deal?"

"You're not even Justin's counselor yet you're up his ass half the time, making nice and finger painting. Why aren't you off talking with him now? Oh wait, that's right...Ben's with him. Why don't you go dyke it up with your girlfriend Melanie...I don't need your help or your guidance."

Shaking her head at him, "Brian," Daphne started then faultered. "I'll check on your ankle tomorrow, okay?"

As she reached the steps, Brian called out to her. "It’s wrong you know. What Ben is doing. It’s wrong...he’s just a kid. He’s too old to be doing that with him."

Turning around, Daphne considered this and Brian’s face staring into her. "Yeah, well, what about you and Jason? Huh? Isn’t that wrong too?"

Shaking his head, "You don’t know Justin. Not as well as you’d like to think. I can take care of myself- I don’t give a shit about Jason! Justin’s special...he’s gonna get hurt."

"Like he is now? What’s the matter Brian, are you afraid Ben will hurt him more or is that you want to be the one to hurt him again and again...be the only one?"

Huffing, he waved Daphne off. Smiling, making her point, she whistled a little tune while jogging off to meet Melanie. 

An hour or two later, Justin came back. It was more like two hours, much to Brian’s chagrin. As he rounded the path from the studio to cabin row, he saw a figure siloutted by the moon on the porch. Realizing it was Brian, he slowed his pace. Coming up the steps, "Where have you been?"

"Around," Justin replied nonchalantly, continuing on.

Pissed. Unbelievably pissed at his fear and hurt for the boy while Justin displayed this lackadaisical attitude, "I was worried. Look,"

"And?" Justin stopped, his hand on the door. Brian and he looked at one another in the darkness of the porch. Clearing his throat, Brian spoke first. "Could you, can you come over here? Sit down?"

"What do you want Brian? I need to go shower."

Blanching at the comment, "What’s that supposed to mean."

Smiling, "I stink is all. It was hot and I got sweaty."

Recoiling as if slapped, "God Justin! Is that how you are? You gave it to him? Just like that?" Brian’s shocked face was a huge ping to Justin’s self esteem. Take that fucker! Hurts don’t it?

"Hmph. Shows what a good teacher you are. Setting such a fine example," Justin spat, storming off, slamming the door. 

Justin didn’t wait to see if Brian came in. He was tired. His was sweaty but not from giving himself to Ben. After they kissed, feeling Ben’s hands on him, his breath...it was too much. Excusing himself he ran off again. Going to the boathouse, sitting on the docks watching the sunset. He was afraid to go back. Afraid again of what might happen. Afraid of losing another piece of his heart. But, he steeled himself. Tired of feeling like he did, day after day, he got up, talked himself into a better mood and frame of mind, determined to get over Brian. And, all of this.

 

As if there were any doubt, Lindsey took up the slack that Justin offered her on a plate. After the first morning, seeing Brian on crutches in the cafeteria struggling with his tray, she appeared at the step of Cabin 11 from here on out. Bright and early, perky and annoying as ever. She was like a bloodsucker now. Leeching herself to him. Like it was all part of her plan or something.

Not one to turn away the help she offered, even though he’d tried to make himself look as pitiful as possible to Justin (and it wasn’t even as if he’d tried), his fumbling with the crutches did nothing to sway the boy. 

Just this morning, almost wiping out on the slick tile of the bathhouse, Justin caught Brian’s arm telling him, "Shouldn’t it be Jason helping you instead of Lindsey? I mean, he expertly handles your dick so well and all. Oh wait-they both suck your dick. Sorry, I forgot." Leaving Brian bracing himself against the wall, Justin defiantly strode out.

At mail call, Justin got a slip signaling a package. Walking into the mail room, he had no idea what he’d received. Opening the box, he saw the note. Shit, he’d forgotten! It was Brian’s birthday present. It was a Francesco Totti jersey. Signed. A Roma Soccer Club jersey of the star’s. With his signature.   
Justin had called Mary, asking her to do this for him. Find it on eBay or something. Spare no expense - he’d pay her back as soon as he could. He’d wanted to do this for Brian, his friend. Knowing that Brian would freak out...loving Francesco Totti- his idol.

Crumpling the note and throwing it into the trash, the clerk called to him, asking to courier another package to his cabin. A package for Brian. Begrudgingly, he carried his box and Brian’s with him to the cabin, denying the urge to kick Brian’s all the way there. Opening up the wall locker, he shoved it under one of his suitcases...burying it for now and placing Brian’s box on his bed. All this, for Brian’s birthday which was next week. The dance was also next week. And, after that, two more weeks of camp. Who knows what comes next. 

Sitting down on his bed, he stared up at the springs of the mattress above him. Yay, counting springs again. He’d calculated that in the cabin, there were 2500 ceiling tiles above them. Good thoughts. Keeping the brain active, is what is was- not reducing yourself to stupid shit to block out the obvious pain in your heart. About this time, Brian came limping and crutching in. Throwing a bag on the bed, he placed his crutches against the wall, lying down. Sweat beaded his face and his hair stuck to his forehead. His legs were red from exertion and his Tshirt soaked as well. It fucking sucked to gimp around in the dead of summer!

Reaching over to the bag, he pulled out a few books he’d collected from the library. Obviously Brian was trying to keep his brain active as well. He was willing to read just about anything to stave off his errant mind workings couped up in the cabin all day. Fighting off Jason’s daily visits, Brian grew tired of it all. He just wished Justin would talk to him. Give him a chance but Justin walked the other way when he saw Brian and said very little when addressed. Even today, after a recount, there were still 2500 ceiling tiles above them. 

The tables had turned between them. Justin flayed him without a moment’s notice. Cutting deep as if he was afraid Brian would strike first. Gone was the timid and tongue tied boy with glasses. Afraid of the dark, easily shocked by anything Brian did and said. The Justin that had mourned for the loss of his first love, clinging to the next. That Justin was gone to Brian. Noticing the box at the end of his bed, Brian sat up again, reaching down to grab it.

Looking over at Justin, "Did you get this for me?"

"Yeah, I was there so they asked me to bring it to you."

"Thanks. Really, I appreciate it," Brian smiled.

"Whatever."

"You got a package too? Anything good?"

"Not really. I’m going out."

"Justin, wait. Can we talk?"

Eyebrows up, waiting. "About what, Brian?"

Grabbing his pillow, hugging it to his chest, Brian stammered a couple of times before clearing his throat. "I’m sorry."

"Okay," Justin replied, walking away.

"Wait a minute! Doesn’t it matter that I’m sorry?"

"Fine, you’re sorry. Until the next time...I shoulda known," shaking his head, pulling at the strands of his bangs. "Brian, I don’t need this, okay? And, furthermore, I really don’t’ want to deal with this again."

"Again? I’m not Matthew. I’m not dead, I’m alive. I’m here, Justin."

Faintly smiling, Justin bucked up, tearing his eyes from Brian’s as they burned into him, really telling him that he was remorseful..."But, I’ve already committed you to memory. Only the good parts, though. I’ve no room for anything else."

Watching Justin’s back as it retreated out the cabin, Brian sat back against his pillow. Glancing at the box, labeled in his mother’s handwriting, he grimaced.

Ready to get it over with, he ripped open the paper, opening the box, careful not to let the stupid packing peanuts fly out. She methodically and carefully, almost lovingly wrapped up this box, much like the care she took uncorking her ever present, ever flowing bottles of wine. It was the blood of Christ you know, so no wonder she was careful. No, no alcohol abuse in the Kinney household. Only other, seedier forms, of abuse allowed.

If his mother took as much care cleaning the house, cooking a meal or washing his clothes, as she did with mailing a package, Brian would have three things less to bitch about. Inside the box was a tin of cookies. Butter cookies in the shape of the cross. Brian hated butter cookies and hated the fact that his mother sent him cookies in the shape of the crucifix. His mother squicked him out. There was also the rosary, a figurine of the Infant Jesus of Prague, as his parents were notified of his sprained ankle. A letter was also inside keeping Brian up-to-date on what was going on at home. Not that he’d cared one bit. Throwing the box down, he tried to take a nap. 

Gathering the Infant Jesus in his hand, he flung it against the wall, smashing it to pieces. It hadn’t helped him…hadn’t watched over him as was the duties of the Patron Saint of Illnesses and Injury. Sprained ankle...heart broken...lovesick.

Trying fitfully to sleep in the noonday heat of the cabin, his mind wandered. Not wishing his life to get any more foul, he gathered up the pieces of the figurine and put them back in the box. Thinking he’d at least stave off eternal damnation, he grew tired. Almost asleep, he felt the bed shift and without opening his eyes, "Jason! Christ, I told you-"

Scoffing, "Jason?" Lindsey replied.

His eyes shooting open, Brian saw Lindsey sitting next to him on his bed. She looked up at him, reaching up to brush his sweaty bangs out of his face. "How are you feeling, sweetie?"

Flinching from her touch, "Lindsey, please. Don’t call me that! I told you not to call me that."

"Okay, sorry. So, how are you feeling? Oh, what’s this?" She asked, reaching down, grabbing for the box. Opening the tin, she pulled out a cookie. Smiling, she bit off part of the cookie. Waving around the half eaten cross, "Wow, these are good. I love butter cookies."

"Figures. Look, what do you want?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely," she replied, rolling her eyes. "The dance is next week."

"And?"

"We’re all going together, remember?"

"No, we’re not. I told you. Besides, Justin isn’t-"

"Yeah, I just saw Justin. He was going to the lake with Ben."

Biting his lip, "Whatever. You want to go to the dance?"

Laughing, reaching out to touch his arm, rubbing it, "You know I do. I’ll make it worth your while. I’m a sure thing, you know that."

Not that he’d wanted to go to the dance at all or anything, but he’d just imagined it differently. He imagined him catching up with Mikey and then taking off with Justin. Maybe going to the boathouse or finding some place to be alone. Just the two of them. He wanted them to be together…more together than what they’d been doing. Originally wanting Jason to be the one, then meeting Justin...Brian could only see himself, actually giving himself up, to Justin. No matter that they’d only known each other a short while. Not mattering that even though he knew Justin had already done it with Ben, he still wanted Justin to be the one. Wanted Justin...just him.

"I'll think about Lindsey, okay?"

"God. Don't make me wait too long Brian."

Now all that had gone to shit and once again Justin was with Ben. Brian had been committed to memory. Filed away. Fuck it. What’s done is done. A hand is just a hand, mouth’s a mouth. A hole should be a hole, right?

"I won't. Listen, can you tell Jason to come by? I want to return his book."

Rolling her eyes, huffing, "Fine. Yeah."

A few minutes, maybe fifteen, Jason waltzed in Cabin 11 coming to a stop near Brian's bed. "You asked for me?"

"Yeah. So...I'll meet you in our spot after the dance. Around midnight, okay?"

Leaning in, smiling, "I knew you'd come around. See you then," kissing him, holding his face, Jason smiled at Brian. Then he left, smiling. Brian wasn't.

Justin and Ben had gone out to the docks and Justin helped Ben batten down the boats. Finishing up, they walked a path that snaked the woods, holding hands out of the prying eyes of the camp. Leaning against a tree, Justin let Ben kiss him and fondle him. Letting his hands travel over his body, edging his Tshirt up to expose his stomach. Those firm hands gripped his hips, holding him close. Their kisses became frantic, rougher. For an instant, Justin forgot it was Ben that was kissing him, thinking it was Brian. Brian’s hands always clawed at him, touched him everywhere, the incessant need bringing their bodies closer together, touching. Shaking Brian’s face out of his head, Justin broke the kiss. 

Gathering their breaths, Ben, smiling, "You’re a good kisser."

"For a kid, huh?"

"You’re not a kid, Justin."

Smiling, "Hey, I was thinking."

"Yeah?" Ben replied, smiling and then smacking his lips against Justin’s.

"After the dance, maybe we can go somewhere. Be alone."

Incredulous but deliriously happy, "Really?"

Shaking slightly. "Yeah, why not?"

Ben smiled even brighter then hugged Justin to him. Justin just looked outward, watching the trees, their branches swaying in the breeze of the oncoming storm.

Later that night in the cafeteria, as Lindsey and Brian were getting their food, Brian heard someone calling his name. Turning around, he came face to face with a waving and babbling Michael. A twenty pounds lighter Michael, that is.

Brian and Michael grabbed some food in the line and Lindsey smiled, waving to them both, apparently introductions were not coming any time too soon. Meandering their way in line, picking and choosing what wouldn’t kill them as the fare that was supposedly food grew more recognizable by the day in camp, Michael started.

"Wow! It’s so good to see you Brian. It’s been too long!" Michael exclaimed, reaching out to hug Brian.

Looking around frantically, keeping his friend at arm's length, "Yeah. So, how long can you stay tonight?"

"Tonight? I’m here for the rest of the summer. Yeah, Mom and Uncle Vic sprung me after I passed the last weight test. Look," Michael exclaimed, twirling around like a Miss America pagent reject, "I’ve lost 20 pounds. Can you tell?"

Snatching a pudding pack, Brian gazed upon his friend. "It’s gone from your middle but now settled at your ass. You finally have the ass you’re always wishing for. Good for you Mikey." As Michael grinned and pawed at his friend, Brian caught site of a flicker of blond hair, now platinum from the Pennsylvania sun, and glanced out into the sea of tables and chairs. There sat Justin, with Ben and Daphne, laughing and joking. Not a care in the world.

"Brian? Earth to Brian!"

Hearing his friend, "What? Yeah. So."

"You didn’t hear a word I said, did you? Who are you gawking at?"

Brian looked nonplussed at his friend, his hands shaking, fingers gripping the hard plastic tray as he limped along. Crutch under his arm, he made do. 

"Let me get that for you, okay? God, what happened?"

Daring another glimpse, Brian’s eyes met with the ice blue ones and time stopped for that very minute. Justin, unnerved, suddenly shot up from his seat and walked away, leaving Brian staring after him once again. Ben and Daphne watched him go then drew their eyes in the general direction that the boy had been staring in. Seeing Brian, they shook their heads. Michael now noticing that his friend was blatantly tuning him out, glanced outward as well. Spying Ben, he squeed. 

"Oh my God! There’s Ben! Man, he looks hot."

Jarred from his thoughts, "Yeah well, don’t even try it. He’s got a boyfriend. Totally ridiculous too. Some little snot that thinks he’s too good for all of us. God, what a princess that one is."

"Is it that guy you told me about? I thought there was something going on between you two and then I thought better. I mean, come on! Brian Kinney with a boyfriend. Get real? I don’t know why I made such a big deal out of it. Hm. If you were ever to have a boyfriend, I would be the first one to know it right? I mean, since it would be me."

Brian, drowing out Michael as best he could, shook his head in acknowledgement and then pushed them through to the drinks. Handing his tray over to Michael, Brian looked over at Mikey’s tray. Amidst the pizza were two pudding packs, lemon bars and two rolls. With butter.

"Uh, Mikey? You really think you should be eating all that junk right after you got out of fat camp?"

Looking around quickly as to make sure no one heard him, "Brian! Shut up. Jeez. Besides, this is fine. The counselors said eating this stuff was just fine in moderation."

"Moderation?"

"Yeah, moderation."

Eyes rolling, smirk in place, "Let’s go sit down. Don’t drop my tray either balancing all your moderation."

Limping and crutching to the table, Brian and Michael sat not too far away from Daphne and Ben’s table with Jason now sitting there too.

Catching Ben’s eye, Michael waved. "Don’t wave Michael. This isn’t an amusement park. Shit," Brian spat.

Gathering up their trays, Ben, Daphne and Jason now made their way over. 

"Hey Brian," Jason drawled.

"Hey," Brian replied opening up his Coke, not looking up.

"Hi Ben! Remember me?"

Smiling, "Yes, Michael. Hello. How’s your summer?"

"Oh it’s great! I’m gonna be here for the rest of it. I can’t wait. Lots of catching up to do," Michael chattered happily.

Ben, looking not so happily smiled on. Brian caught sight and huffed a laugh. "Brian, what’s so funny?"

"Ah nothing. Just remembering something is all. So, Ben...keeping busy?"

Steeling himself for one of Brian’s tirades, Ben’s smile slightly faultered. "Actually yes, there’s so much to do you know?"

"I bet. Listen, since I know I’ll see you later tonight with your nightly visits to Cabin 11 and all, maybe we could discuss me playing again later this week?"

"I don’t know Brian, you seem kind of shakey to me. I watched you limp over and I don’t think it’s such a good idea. I covered your spot anyways and things are going okay."

"You covered my spot, huh?"

Michael, Daphne and Jason watched the volleys back and forth between Brian and Ben. Wondering who would be victor. Michael, on the other hand, had no idea what was going on and Jason, well Jason was just eating it up.

"Yeah Bruckner...you know that team sucks without your star player. Mark's not as good as Brian. And, Bri's healing quite well. I should know."

Perplexed, Michael asked,"Bri? Why's he calling you 'Bri', Brian?"

"Fuck off Jason!"

"Brian, what does he mean by that?"

"Yeah, it wasn’t really hard, actually. Someone came in ready, willing and able. And, better. Just like that."

"Ben!" Daphne exclaimed, understanding what was transpiring between the two and they sure as hell weren’t talking about soccer anymore.

"Well, if he’s so good then where’s he been? I mean, if he’s such an excellent replacement then where’s he been all this time?"

"Waiting I guess. For the right time. And, with you injuring yourself, he just popped right up. He’s actually quite adept and has proved to be a formidable player. The opposite of you."

"Wow, how fortunate."

"What are you guys talking about?" Michael inquired. Again.

"For some."

"We’ll see how fortunate *he* feels when I, "

"Brian, uh, listen."

Cut off by Daphne, Brian drew his eyes upward.

"I need some help tonight in the studio. It’s not much but I have a lot of brushes and pallets that need to be cleaned. You could sit by the sink when you do it?"

"Fine."

"Daph, I can help you out," Ben replied.

"No Ben, that’s fine. Brian can do it, can’t you Brian?"

"What about that fucking 'Cum Ba Ya' sing along we're supposed be having down by the lake?"

"Well, you can come afterwards."

"I'll help you Brian!"

"Er, no Michael. Since you just got here and I'm your counselor we'll have to go over a few things."

Looking nonplussed, Michael shook his head begrudgingly.

"Sure, no problem. I’m good for something, right?"

"But Brian, I thought we were gonna spend some time together?"


	4. Summer Camp

"Michael, shut up. You’re here now, right? We’ll have plenty of time. Fuck it, take my tray I’m leaving. I'll see you later at the lake." Brian got up, reaching for his crutch and limped off. Not before he knocked shoulders with Ben, giving him a patented death stare. Unnerved, Ben shrugged it off.

Michael, now alone with the counselors, felt the need for introductions. "Hi, I’m Michael!"

Smiling and shaking their heads, the group wandered off separately.

Outside, Jason caught up with Brian, "Hey."

"Leave me alone."

"If you don’t quit being a bitch I’m gonna think you don’t love me anymore," Jason cooed.

Spinning around as best he could, "I don’t love you! I don't love anybody! Got it?"

"Brian, I’m kidding. It’s a joke."

"It is a joke, isn’t it?"

"Wanna get together later?"

"I can’t. You heard Daphne, I gotta help her in that fucking pussy palace."

"Later then?"

"Maybe, come by."

"Okay, later."

Watching Jason trot off, Brian continued on to his cabin. Coming in he saw Justin lying on his bed reading a letter.

Struggling with his crutch, Brian almost tipped over while taking off his shirt. Wobbling, Justin reached out, holding onto Brian’s hip. His hand felt hot against Brian’s stomach, gripping so tightly. Looking down after wrenching the shirt from his neck, he saw Justin’s hand then gazed into his eyes.

"You were about to fall."

"I’m fine," Brian replied, dropping the shirt and reaching to his hip for Justin’s hand. Stilling his hand atop Justin’s, Brian’s thumb grazed his fingers. Justin’s eyes grew larger and he started to pull his hand away. Grabbing his wrist, Brian stood holding on. "Let me go," Justin replied.

Gripping tighter, "Are you sure?" 

"Forget it Brian, it’s over. Why can't you just leave it alone? There's plenty of other guys around."

"Is that what you really want? Because, I gotta tell you,"

"Brian!" Michael shouted, flouncing into the cabin, making his way over to them.

Seeing their hands joined, Michael stopped. "Uh, am I interrupting something?"

Letting Justin’s wrist drop from his grasp, "No."

"Okay," Michael resumed his flouncing, crawling up atop Brian’s bunk. "Can I sleep here?"

"Who are you?" Justin asked.

"Michael. I’m Brian’s best friend. And you? Oh, wait a minute! I know who you are, you’re that rich priss."

Cutting his eyes at Brian, Justin huffed. "Oh, that’s right, now I remember Brian mentioning you. You were in Fat Camp, right?"

"Brian!"

Not able to contain himself, Brian chuffed a belly laugh. Great, two fucking drama queens. "Michael, you were in fat camp."

"Nice of you to announce it to everyone. What’d you tell him for?"

"Oh, there's lots I know. Brian's told me everything," Justin sarcastically replied.

"Not more than me. Me and Brian are like this, " Michael smiled, crossing his fingers and shoving said fingers in Justin’s face. 

"I doubt it."

Nipping all the drama in the bud, “Michael, you need to go ask Deb for your sheets and shit and if you even think of putting on those stupid Captain America ones...you’ll be sleeping outside. Outside with the bears and snakes."

"There’s snakes here?"

Rolling his eyes, adding in the most put upon look ever, "For fuck’s sake Mikey. Take the top bunk."

"Okay, when will you be back?"

"Later, whenever Daphne says I can leave the fucking finger painting playground. I said I'd meet you at the lake thing."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Justin asked, throwing his sketchbook aside.

"He has to help Daphne in the studio," Michael interrupted.

"Huh? What?"

"Are you deaf? I said,"

"Michael! Shut up. I have to help Daphne with some stuff," Brian replied, pulling on a Tshirt.

"Ugh! What the...never fucking mind. Fucking goddamn!" rolling his eyes, Justin got up from the bed, smoothing down his shirt. 

Not able to ignore the queen out, Brian’s curiousity got the better of him. "What’s the big deal?"

"Nothing. It’s not a big deal. She just asked me to help her too."

"You’re acting like it’s a big deal."

"It’s just that..."

"What?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Michael! Butt out!"

"Yes, please."

"Justin."

Glancing back to face Justin, Brian arched his eyebrows, hand on hip waiting for an explanation.

"It’s nothing. But, she asked me to do it too."

"Do what?"

"Clean out the studio and stuff."

"And?"

"And I didn’t know that you were gonna do it to. It was supposed to me, her and Ben."

"Oh, I see. So, that would mean I would be interrupting a lovers rendezvous?"

"It’s not a rendezvous!"

"What’s a rendezvous?"

In unison, "Michael!"

"So, it’s not?"

"No."

"Alright then."

"Yeah, alright."

"Great."

"Superb."

Perched atop the bunk, Michael watched the two. Both of them stood face to face, inches apart, staring at one another. Clearing his throat, Michael spoke, "Well, I guess I’ll go get my stuff."

The two boys never broke eye contact or seemed to have heard Michael’s voice. Used to being ignored, "Well, okay then. I’m going." Jumping down, he passed between them, leaning over more into Justin’s space than Brian’s. Being pushed, Justin stepped backwards, and Brian reached out to steady him. 

"Well, we might as well get going. Wouldn’t hurt to walk there together, right?"

"I wouldn’t think so. I can handle it if you can," Brian smiled. 

When Michael walked into his mother’s cabin, she was on the phone. Smiling at her, he went over to the linen cabinet, drawing sheets, blanket and a pillow from the shelves. Picking up his bag and toiletries, he waited patiently.

His Uncle Vic wasn’t back from the docks yet and it was almost dark. Michael wanted to get settled quickly and take a shower and wait for Brian. He’d missed him so much. They’d exchanged letters but lately Brian was lacking in his. His letters had taken on a completely different tone. At the beginning of the summer, Brian was very brief in his letters. Only answering Michael’s questions and bitching about what all went on here. Then, a short while later, Brian’s letters took on a different tone from those. Very descriptive, long and drawn out, and no bitching. Dare he say it but Michael thought Brian seemed happy. And, there was a mention of this kid Justin in every one of them. 'Justin this' and 'Justin that.' Not that the mentions were anything magnanimous...but that fucking kid had a supporting role in every single letter Michael got. Even when Michael had inquired as to what was going on between them, if anything, Brian blanched but never stopped mentioning the other boy's name.

Debbie now off the phone, she shuffled over to Mikey, giving him her famous death squeeze hug and cheek squeeze. "Let me look at you! My baby boy."

"Ma!"

"What? Don’t give me that! I haven’t seen you in over a month! You look good baby! Turn around," Debbie smiled, twirling her painted nails at Michael.

"Ma! I gotta go get settled. Brian’ll be back soon."

"And where is that little shit?"

"Oh, he had to go do something for one of the counselors. Daphne sent him to the studio with that Justin kid."

"Really? Hm."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Okay, run along. I’ll see you at breakfast. Oh, Vic is making a special menu for you. Low carbs."

"MA! You can’t do that!"

"Oh the hell I can’t. I just shelled out $1500 for you to lose that weight. And, you’re not putting it back on! Now go."

"Ugh. Well, can you at least not talk to me when I’m around the other kids?"

"Michael, how dare you say that! Do you want to give me a heart attack? I’ll have you know, I’m one of the reasons these kids come to this camp. Too bad you can’t be appreciative of me as your mother. These kids are…at least for the two months they’re here."

Realizing he’d hurt his mother’s feelings, "Ma, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just,"

"I know what you meant. Now go."

Hugging, Debbie smiled at her son. "Michael?"

"Yeah ma?"

"Don’t be interfering with Brian."

"Interfering with what?"

Taking in the innocence of her son’s face and not wanting to dash his hopes as was not her place. "Nevermind, honey. See you tomorrow." It was Brian’s place to do it and as much as it hurt her to say it, she hoped that he’d do it soon.

As Michael scurried along with his stuff, Debbie called after him, holding his Captain America sheets. "Michael! I brought your sheets. Come back you little shit!"

Along the path to the studio, the boys walked along in silence. Every once in a while, Justin reached up to steady Brian by grabbing onto his arm when he looked like he was having trouble maneuvering. A smile or a soft, "Thanks,"was given in reply.

Rounding the corner towards the studio, Justin heard someone shouting his name. Stopping, they both turned around and saw Ben approaching. Jogging up, Ben smiled and stood alongside them. "Hey," he laughed, catching his breath. Seems that he’d sprint up the hill in a hurry for some reason.

"Hey," Justin answered back.

"Well hello Brian. How are you? Fine, thanks. Nice weather," Brian parroted to the boys in an annoying, grating voice he'd taken up with recently. 

Ben, "Brian," nodding his head.

"Uh Justin, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Ben, we gotta go. There’s a shitload of brushes and pallets to clean before we can be done."

"I know, it’ll just take a second."

Exasperated, "It's not like you won't see your siamese at the sing along later...Ah, young love. Whatever. It leaves such a wretched taste in my mouth."

"No, that wretched taste would be Jason."

Ouch. Cheeky smile, " I’ll meet you inside Justin."

When Brian was inside, Justin turned to Ben. "What’s up?"

Sidling up, "I just missed you." Reaching for Justin’s hand, Ben twined their fingers, leaning down to kiss Justin. Turning his head suddenly, Ben’s lips grazed Justin’s cheek. Pulling back, Ben stared down into Justin’s eyes that were averted from his. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not at all. Just gotta go."

"Okay, but give me a kiss first."

"Okay."

Leaning against Ben, standing on his toes, Justin grabbed ahold of Ben’s bicep as Ben reached around to pull Justin to him. Softly at first, their lips touched. Pushing out his tongue, Ben tried to gain entrance that wasn’t forthcoming. Shutting his eyes, Justin tentatively opened his mouth. As Ben’s tongue touched the tip of Justin’s they were both startled by a sudden crash from inside the studio. Whipping his head towards the sound, "I gotta go see if he’s okay."

Not releasing Justin from his side, "Justin, he’s a big boy. Now where were we?"

Pushing off, "Ben! Jesus! Cut it out, alright? What if he’s hurt or what if something broke?"

Shaking his head, realizing this was all just a little too much. And, futile, Ben relented. "Fine. Go."

"Okay, see you later," Justin replied, already up the steps. Ben watched him as the boy hurried in, calling out Brian’s name. Taking leave, Ben knew he was running out of time. He needed to go see Jason.

Inside the studio, Brian pushed back from the window before Justin came back in. Knocking over that easel had done the trick. Leaning against a table, Brian waited and looked at the floor. Pictures of him strewn about. Charcoals of him…from the bus. From inside the cabin. From the soccer field. From inside the boathouse. All pictures of him…drawn by Justin. When Justin came running in, seeing Brian propped up against the table, the easel on the floor and his crutch tossed aside, Justin began to worry. "Are you okay? What happened?" Looking down towards the floor, he saw all his pictures lying there. Hurriedly he tried to snatch them up, afraid to look at Brian’s face. 

"Those are good, Justin."

"They’re nothing."

Squaring his jaw, Brian was hurt and insulted. Were they nothing because they were of Brian? Nice.

"So, are you okay?"

Clearing his throat, "I bumped into the fucking easel. Goddamn crutches!" Slapping his hands down on the table, Brian feigned frustration. Not that it was completely fake, he was frustrated alright. But frustrated that he’d have gone to these lengths to get Justin back.

Moving closer to Brian, Justin reached down, retrieving his crutch and bringing it forward. Turning Brian aside, face to face so that he could help him move towards the sink, Justin could smell him. Smell that smell that lulled him to sleep at night. The eyes that stared into him, that brooding face, red lips…all those things that tormented him. "Let’s get started, okay?"

They both moved over to the sink, throwing all the brushes in. Reaching for the turpentine, Justin bumped into Brian who had apparently moved closer when he wasn’t looking. Inches apart, their hands washed away the paint from the brushes, the water cascading down, all the colors swimming away down the drain. After an hour or so, Brian realized that Daphne never showed up.

"Where the fuck is Daphne?"

"She’s not coming."

"Ah."

"Is it really so bad? I mean, just the two of us?"

Stilling his hands under the warm water, Brian looked over at Justin. "That’s not what I meant. I just meant,"

"I know what you mean."

"Justin, listen..."

"Brian, look. I’m okay. We’re okay. It was nothing, really. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything. Besides, I’m with Ben now."

"Will you just listen to me? I mean, it’s not like I have all the answers or anything. I just know that I fucked up and I wish I didn’t."

"But you did."

"And that’s it? You’ll never forgive me? You can just turn it on and off for me?"

"And the next time Brian? What about the next time?"

Reaching up to turn off the water, Brian grabbed a towel, drying off his hands. Handing it to Justin, he moved them over to a table, sitting them down. When Justin finished drying his hands, Brian reached for the towel but twined their hands together. Justin tried to pull his hands away, "Justin. Stop."

Unable to look at him, Justin stared at the floor.

"What happened?" Brian winced remembering, then continued, "I can’t change that. I can tell you that I’m sorry and that I didn’t mean for it to happen."

"But it did and there’s no turning back. It’s too late now."

Moving closer, Brian reached out, pulling Justin to him by the nape of his neck so that they were now forehead to forehead. Tentatively, Brian moved his face, aligning their lips together, cocking his head. Opening his mouth, his tongue poked out, licking Justin's lips. When Justin did pull away, Brian wrapped his arm around Justin's back, pulling his body closer. Full on, Brian smashed his mouth against Justin's. A good thirty seconds of tonguing later, Justin pushed away.

"I like the way you taste," Brian rasped.

"So does Ben."

"That’s fucked Justin."

"That’s the way it is Brian. It doesn’t matter how much I care about you…I have to care about myself now."

"You think Ben won't hurt you?"

Justin stormed off at hearing that, jogging down to the lake, leaving Brian alone. Later, as Brian hobbled down to the beach, he joined Michael around the campfire. Justin happened to be sitting directly across from him and all during the suckass, lame songs and stupid ghost stories, their eyes watched each other through the flame.

 

The next day, the day before the dance, Lindsey cornered Brian.

"Brian, come on! You promised."

"You come on Lindsey, shit! My friend Michael’s here, you know that. I have to spend time with him."

"What’s the big deal? He can’t spend time alone? Before it was always Justin and now it’s Michael. What are you queer?"

"Shut your fucking mouth Lindsey before I tell everyone what a slut you are!"

"What’s up your ass? Look, I told you...I’ve got some pot and more whiskey. It’s all planned out-me and Susan and you and your friend Justin can sneak away to the boat house and have our own private party."

"Justin and Susan are going together? They’re gonna be there?"

"She already talked to him today. It's all set."

*WINS* "Well, okay then."

 

After Justin finally got away from Susan he had to meet up with Ben to advise him of the change of plans. When Susan approached him he balked at first, then realizing that it would just be the four of them...four including Brian, he relented. He was full of mixed signals and truly, Ben was starting to suffocate him. So, getting the chance to see Brian, in a quiet setting, he would rather do that, he thought. Maybe they could talk...Brian really seemed like he was sorry...really seemed like it would be different this time. Maybe.

Finding Ben at the soccer field, gathering the errant soccer balls up, throwing them into the net bag and chatting it up with a few of the stragglers while he did so, Justin called to him. 

Hearing his name, Ben spun in the direction of the voice and saw Justin walking towards him. "Mark, that’s enough for the night. You guys go on."

"Okay Ben. Thanks again," Mark said, waving his friends in. Seeing Justin approaching, "Hey Taylor, wanna suck me off?"

"Fuck off Wilson!"

"Oh, such nasty language for a little cocksucker!"

"Mark, get going," Ben shouted sternly.

"We’ll continue this later you little asshole."

"I bet you like little assholes," Justin smirked as they passed.

Stopping at the net, Justin looked back over his shoulder, hearing Mark and his buddies laughing. Feeling Ben’s hand on his shoulder he flinched. "Justin, what’s wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don’t worry about those guys. They’re harmless."

"Right."

"So, what’s up? I’m glad to see you. I was gonna come by later."

"Yeah, about that...listen Ben, don’t take this the wrong way but maybe it’s better if you don’t come by so much. People are kinda starting to talk."

"People? Or Brian?"

"Jesus, leave it alone would you? This whole ‘He Man Competition’ thing between you two is really working my last nerve.

"Is there a competition?"

"It sure seems like there is. You tell me."

"Should I be worried?"

"About Brian and me?"

Receiving a nod in response, "Well, don’t worry about it."

"Well, you two looked pretty cozy in the studio."

"What? What’d you spy on us or something?"

"No more than what Brian did when he knocked over that easel."

"He stumbled! He’s on crutches for Christ’s sake! He’s not too agile right now."

"Oh, he’s agile."

"Just stop okay. You’re supposed to be older and not acting all stupid like you are."

"But, it’s okay for Brian, right?"

"Ben."

"Alright, alright. So, anyways...what’s up?"

"I’m going to the dance with Susan so I can’t meet you afterwards."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so."

"So, what does that mean exactly."

"It means that I’ll be with Susan."

"And who else?"

Well, I guess Lindsey...and Brian. But, I’m not too sure about that though."

"Uh huh."

"Don’t be mad, Ben."

"I’m not mad. I just thought that you wanted to be together is all."

"I do want to be with you."

"I mean, ‘together’ together."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, we still have a week after the dance. I’m sure we can find another time."

"Sure."

"What? Is that all you’re worried about? Me putting out?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what’s with the attitude? I mean, you see me everyday. You come by every night. You stop by whenever you can."

"Is there a problem?"

"Well, it’s starting to feel like you’re pissing on me."

"What!"

"You know, like marking your territory or something."

"That’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to show you that I like you...that I care about you."

"Well."

"Didn’t Brian do that?"

"No."

"Yeah, I didn’t think so."

"Hey, Brian did lots of things but at least he didn’t..."

So now here it comes. Trouble begins when comparisons between the ex and you start, Ben thought. "What?"

"Stifle me."

"Oh, I’m stifling you?"

"Yeah."

"What exactly does that mean?"

With a look of ‘duh’, Justin began giving the clinical definition of the word 'stifling'. Holding a hand up in interruption, "No Justin. I know what the fucking word means. I mean, so what does that mean for us?"

Clarity. "Just back off a little, I guess. I’m feeling pressured Ben."

With a shrug of his shoulders, hands out in disbelief, Ben trudged off with Justin calling after him to no avail. "Ben! Wait! You asked and I’m sorry...but at least I was honest. Ben! Ben?"

A little while later, Justin came back to the cabin to find Mark and his friends goofing off. Brian and Michael were nowhere to be found. Great. Slamming the door to alert the boys of his presence, Justin steeled himself, walking in.

"Oh look. It’s the faggot, Taylor."

"Fuck off Mark."

"You’d like that wouldn’t you? Only I’m not a butt fucker like you."

"Sure know a lot about butt fucking if you’re not one."

"You asshole!"

"Again with the comments. ' Asshole', 'cocksucker', 'butt fucker'...tell me Mark. You interested or something?"

Lunging at Justin, Mark’s friends tried to hold him back. Mark got in a punch to Justin’s lip before they held him off. Amidst all this, Brian and Michael walked back in the cabin and before you know it, Mark took a blow to his knee from Brian’s crutch. Falling down in pain, Mark screamed. 

Rushing to Justin, Brian took in the blood flowing from his lip. "Goddammit! Mikey, get me a washcloth!"

Pulling his towels from his bunk, Michael hurriedly gave Brian the towel. Pressing the cloth to Justin’s lip, Brian checked the boy’s face. "Did he get you anywhere else?"

Holding Brian’s hand as it held the now crimson cloth, "I’m fine Brian," Justin mumbled as best he could.

"We should go tell someone," Michael whispered.

"No Michael, don’t. Then it’ll be a lot worse. We’re used to it right, Sunshine?"

"Yeah," Justin responded as he spat some of his blood onto Mark, lying on the floor.

Reaching back for his crutch that Michael brought to him, Brian and Justin walked down to the showers to clean him up. Mark’s buddies carried him to the nurse’s office ready with the story of how Mark fell goofing around. Now both star soccer players would be sitting out.

Pushing Justin up against the sink basin, Brian reached over, rinsing out the washcloth. "It’s not too bad."

"Well, tell that to my lip."

Laughing, "You’ll be fine."

"I’m not some whiney faggot."

"No, you’re not. Actually you were pretty brave in there."

"Bad as new, right?"

"Yeah."

Smiling, Justin took the cloth out of Brian’s grasp, turning around to take a look. With their eyes on one another through the mirror’s reflection, "I’m sorry I wasn’t there."

"Brian, you can’t be there all the time. Besides, it wouldn’t seem right now with what’s going on."

"Oh, you mean now that you’re with Ben? Since you’re so fond of throwing that in my face all the time."

Cutting his eyes, Justin huffed, spitting out blood into the sink. From Angel to Lucifer in 10 seconds flat. "Can we please not do this right now? I’m so tired of all of this."

"What?"

"You and Ben fighting."

"He started it!"

"No Brian. You started it."

"How the fuck did I start it? If he would just mind his own fucking business..."

"You started it Brian when you made me his business."

"Wasn’t very hard for you, huh?"

"Wasn’t very hard for you either. Huh?"

"Fuck this!" Brian spat, storming off. "I hope you’re a free bleeder! Knowing you, you probably are."

 

The cafeteria had been turned into a dance hall by Debbie, Vic and the counselors. Blue, orange, red and green lights flickered under a disco ball. A DJ was currently spinning in a corner of the room, head phones on, rocking out to the latest techno beat. Tables were lined with cookies, punch and cake along with other fare, like crudite and dips. Boys and girls lined the walls like the good little wallflowers that they were. Dresses, slinky outfits, pressed pants, button down shirts were all around, having been hidden away for most of the summer, brought out on the special occasion.

Getting showered, Brian and Justin were on opposite sides of the showers. Flip flops and towels along with toiletries were juggled, navigating the slippery tiles by all the boys. Michael had already wiped out twice so the boys were extra careful even if they laughed at his pain. Now all alone, it was just Brian and Justin. Again. Having ignored each other for the rest of the night and into the next day, they seemed at a detente.

Wrapped in a towel around his waist, Brian brushed his teeth at the sink, watching Justin’s reflection as it pulled back the shower curtain, covering his naked body. Reaching up for his towel, his eyes catching Brian’s, Justin’s hand missed its grab for the dangling terry cloth. The brushing motion of his toothbrush put on pause, Brian watched as Justin’s towel fell from the rack on the wall outside the shower. 

Seeing the towel drop, hearing it slop onto the wet tile, Brian stood watching as Justin’s hand grabbed at the air, his eyes still locked with Brian’s. With toothbrush hanging vicariously out of his mouth, paste covering his lips, he carefully walked towards Justin’s stall. Standing face to face, eyes taking in Justin’s lean, clean, naked form, Brian bent down, retrieving the towel. As his downcast head was level with Justin’s crotch, Brian inhaled, licking his lips, releshing the minty freshness. Only inches away from one another, a trickle of water from Brian’s still wet head dropped onto Justin’s emerging rock hard penis. The hand that was before reaching for his wayward towel, until recently gripping onto the pole above was now running its fingers through Brian’s hair. Moving upward, towel firmly grasped, Brian reared up, pushing Justin back into his stall. 

Against the wall his body smacked, Justin pulled the towel from around Brian’s hips, his hands clenching the smooth, taut skin, reaching for purpose. Wrenching the toothbrush from his mouth, not caring as it plummeted to the nasty tile below, Brian pushed further into Justin, crushing him with his now towel less body and his Crest flavored mouth. 

Reaching behind him to slam the frosted, soap scum obscuring shower curtain closed, Brian’s other hand gripped Justin’s neck. In the confines of the shower was when they both discovered one another. Truly discovered one another. It'd had all come full circle.

Hands reaching, gaining for purpose, they were glued together. Lips twined as were legs, pushing closer into each other. Brian’s knee raising and lowering itself, to touch Justin’s balls and graze his leaking penis. Moans reverberated through the room and Justin reached over, eyes closed, tongue slathered with Brian’s to turn the water back on. Soon the small enclosure filled up with steam and Brian and Justin continued to rub against one another, now wet. 

Brian’s head rested in the crook between Justin’s shoulder and neck, his mouth sighing from the contact and pleasure of it all. One hand stroking Justin softly and the other hand kneading and pulling, softly and roughly alternating on his cheeks. Justin’s hands were all over Brian. From his back to his arms, to his face and his fingers in and around Brian’s mouth. In and out his fingers went, probing alongside his tongue as Brian moaned his satisfaction. Need and desire...his hands all around, his dick hard, leaking, rubbing against Justin’s. Rutting now, Brian arched up not unlike a cat, rubbing harder, quicker against Justin’s body as the water cascaded all around them. 

Brian slinked his body down, the water pelting him, spreading Justin’s feet shoulder width apart. His tongue licking up and down Justin’s calves, as his hands moved up and down his legs, in synch, lightly touching, sent butterflies tickling in Justin’s stomach. Justin, eyes closed, slicked his hands up and down the tiles to his sides, fingers trying to find something to hold onto while Brian lay in a pool at his feet. 

On his knees now, Brian grabbed Justin’s hips, pulling them outward from the wall so he stood at a somewhat unsteady 45 degree angle. One hand reached around, seeking entrance to Justin’s hole, wet with the water and the other moved upward between Justin’s legs, fanning itself out between them to make room for his face while his shoulder shimmied in as well. 

When he figured out he had enough room to maneuver somehow, some way, Brian’s head moved up between Justin’s legs knocking them further apart. With his index finger he slowly pushed in to Justin’s hole, rubbing and pushing. Rubbing and pushing, grazing. Cocking his head, pushing his face upward, Brian pressed full on into Justin’s balls, his tongue licking the skin, the water...enhaling Justin's clean scent.

Above him, Justin’s body shook at that first lick, trying to brace himself, his backside naturally searching for something to lean against something for balance and in turn jarring Brian from his perch. Roughly Brian pulled his body back from the wall when he was unable to reach his goal. "Stay," he said, looking up at Justin who peered down at him. Before moving back into place, Brian rubbed his face against Justin’s cock that stood straight out. Soft cheek, soft skin, steam all around, Justin’s eyes were lulled back closed when he felt the lick of Brian’s tongue from tip to base. 

A moan stifled, Justin bit his lips instead of calling out, gnawing to quell the shouting. Brian’s face was now back where it was previously, between his legs, licking him. Tasting him. His balls and cock were tortured and soothed as Brian’s tongue and teeth took turns against him. On him, in him. The one finger was now accompanied by another and the pain bucked Justin against Brian’s body, his legs trying to lock together, removing Brian. 

Jarred from his previous position again, Brian used his other hand to slowly rub circles against Justin’s stomach. Crawling upward onto his knees, he lay his head against Justin’s belly, kissing him. Murmuring soft words to calm him down while his hands pet him. Downcast blue eyes met upward cast hazel and Justin nodded his head, licked his lips, relenting.

Moving back down, half sitting, half crawling into Justin, Brian pushed back into place, speeding up the pace with his tongue. Soft moans now emanating from his mouth, his cock slapping against his stomach as he thrust his head upward, his tongue shooting out. Justin’s cock bounced up and down against Brian’s wet hair.

Unable to take much more, Justin moaned, "Brian, please." His tongue stilled, Brian moved out from between Justin’s legs, gripped the boy by his hips, turning him around. His hands slapping against the tile, trying to hold on, Justin almost cried out when he felt his cheeks pried apart and Brian’s tongue thrust in. His strangled cries turned into strangled groans as he felt the tingle in his toes. The feeling surged up through his body as his cock now bobbed against the tile wall.

In and out Brian’s tongue pushed. Sucking, biting, salivating inside. Reaching around to grab onto Justin’s penis, Brian quickly jerked him off. In just a few seconds more, Justin came against the tile and into Brian’s hand. When Justin came, so did Brian; his body shook, his head rearing up, his mouth against Justin’s cheeks, drowning out his cries. He gnawed on the soft flesh, marking it more than the hot water already had. 

Collapsing against the tile, Justin’s chest heaved as Brian tried to pull himself up. Back to chest, the leaned. Breathing almost stable, Justin tried to turn around. "What about you?"

Smiling against his back, Brian licked between his shoulder blades. "I’m good, thanks," he laughed.

"Oh, did you?"

"I did."

"How? I thought that you needed,"

His hand up, running through Justin’s wet hair, "I got what I needed, sunshine."

As Brian’s body molded itself to Justin’s, their height not so much a matter when Brian bent his legs, Justin remembered. Remembered that he and Brian were mad at each other. But, what had just transpired had canceled out any harsh feelings he'd had. He loved Brian. Loved him with all his preteen, thirteen year old heart could muster...

Meanwhile...Ben wanted to catch Justin before he left to go to the dance. To apologize. But when he went in, he saw only Michael. Asking as to Justin’s whereabouts, he was told that Justin was still in the shower. 

"Hey Michael."

"Ben, hey."

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting on Brian."

"Oh. So, where’s Brian?"

"He’s still in the shower too."

"Hmph," Ben replied, storming off. He needed to find Jason. Michael, curious, ran out, tailing him.

Running up the hill, he swooped into their cabin to find Jason getting dressed. "You need to go find your boy."

"My boy?"

"Yeah, your boy. Who's with my boy. In the showers."

"That again? Maybe you should just give up, Ben."

"Oh, so you don't care?"

"They're 13 Ben. Kids. Let them play...no harm done, right? What are you in love or something?"

"Jason, just go."

Laughing, Jason went off to find his lost boy Brian.

 

"We better go."

"What’s your rush?"

"The dance, Brian."

"Oh. Yeah, that. Can’t we just stay in here forever? We’re gonna be late," Brian smiled, chuffing a laugh.

"Brian, come on, " Justin laughed, turning around. Face to face, he lay his head upon Brian's chest. "We have alot to talk about."

"I know,"

"Brian?" 

Jason.

Like deer in headlights, the boys froze. Jason called out again, "Brian? Oh, are we playing hide and seek again? Come out, Come out, CUM out, wherever you are."

Inside the stall, Brian looked at Justin, Justin looking at him. Brian's face was masked in helplessness. He had no idea why Jason was looking for him.

"Hey, what's the deal? You said to meet you in here...that we'd be alone. Where's my surprise?"

Snatching open the shower curtain, "He's all yours."

"I coulda told you that. I taught him everything he knows."

"Justin wait! Jason, what the fuck are you doing here? I told you it's over!"

"Save it Brian!"

"That's not what you said last night...although your mouth was full at the time."

"Fuck off Brian!"

"Justin, wait! Please!"

Laughing, Jason sauntered over to Brian but not before calling out to Justin, "Hey Blondie, Ben's waiting for you."

Justin left Brian standing alone, the water draining along with their seed, down the drain. 

As Justin made his way from the showers back to his cabin to change, he saw Ben sitting on the front steps. "Ben."

Standing up, Ben walked towards him, not looking particularly happy. Seeing Justin there in his towel, flip flops and shower crap Rubbermaid thingamajig, he noticed the boy’s flushed chest. Having sat while all the others, except Michael, walked out into the night, down to the café, he heard the music wafting through the night air. 

 

Justin stopped, motioning him inside instead of standing outside near naked. About this time, Brian came stomping out of the shower house, seeing Ben and Justin standing there. 

"Like clockwork."

"What’s that?" Ben asked, stepping towards Brian.

"Ben!" Justin exclaimed, reaching out to stop Ben’s motion towards Brian.

"It’s okay Sunshine. I think I can handle it. You two run along now."

"If you've got something to say Brian...then say it."

"It's all so convenient, isn't it Ben?"

"Brian."

"No, seriously...it’s okay. You made yourself perfectly clear."

"Is he giving you trouble Justin?"

Laughing, holding his stomach, "Oh, I was giving him something alright."

"I thought you said that was over Justin?"

"That's what he told me too, although, the time to make oneself clear would obviously be before you shoot your wad all over my hand, calling my name with my tongue up your ass. But maybe that’s just me. Huh, Sunshine?"

"Fuck you Brian!"

"Make up your mind Sunshine! Really. Ben, you should know, he’s a fickle one."

"Brian, you’re an asshole!"

Michael climbed out of the bushes, "Brian, I gotta talk to you!"

"Leave it Mikey."

"No, it's important!"

"Hey, who's this?" Jason drawled, sidling up alongside Michael.

"I'm Michael. I introduced myself the other night but you musta not heard me."

"Ah. So...Brian, shall we?"

Justin, brimming with anger, "Like clockwork."

Stomping inside, Brian called out, "Michael, be ready in five minutes."

Later, inside the cafeteria, Brian hung out with Jason, refusing to sit by Lindsey, Susan and Justin with Ben and Daphne now joining the gang. Sipping the proferred smuggled Kentucky Deluxe, Brian proceeded to get smacked up, much to Michael’s dismay. Copping a feel in the corner whenever they could, Jason and Brian shared the flask, while Michael looked on disapprovingly. While watching Jason and Brian whisper and laugh, sneaking a drink and copious amounts of feels, Justin drew Ben closer. As Ben sat close, closer, extremely close to Justin, almost joined at the hip, Brian drank to that.

Back in a far corner of the cafeteria, Brian, well on his way to being drunk, was leaning against Jason, who in turn was being held up by the wall. The whiskey had almost drowned out the throbbing of his ankle but did nothing to touch the pain in his gut and heart over the sight before his bleary eyes. Maybe it was his imagination, but to him it seemed that by every passing second, Ben’s hands rounded closer and pulled Justin tighter to him. Now, one hand was rubbing circles on his back while the other was clasped tightly with Justin’s. 

The bottle to his lips, Brian barely noticed the once full bottle was now empty. Well, this was no good. Not at all. "Lindsey!"

Hearing Brian’s drunken slurring behind her, Lindsey refused to turn around. Not only had Brian made a fool of her but she was definitely not oblivious to his and Jason’s fumblings behind them. 

In the same annoying little voice he'd taken up lately, "Lindsey! Hey, Lindsey...are you deaf?"

"Fuck off Brian!" she yelled. She was pissed at Brian. If he was gay he coulda just told her he was gay. She’d been embarrassed to see Brian and Jason going at it. Her pride had been hurt thinking how foolish she’d been with all her talk about getting Brian. It was no big deal that he was gay...this was the new millennium right? I mean, welcome to the 70s for Christ sakes. He just shoulda told her is all.

Laughing, "Well, that’s two for two tonight. Looks like I’m on a roll." Bracing his arm against the wall to stop the world from spinning, Brian called to Michael who sat nervously with a plate in his lap. Hearing his friend calling Michael flinched, jumping up and spilling his plate of food to the floor.

Tentatively he walked towards the boys and took in again how passively close Jason held him. Once he got closer he could tell how wasted Brian was. Recalling memories of a drunken Brian, Mikey approached carefully.

Reaching out, pawing at Michael, "Mikey. Mikey, come here."

Drawing Michael closer, Brian leaned over to whisper in his friend’s ear. "Mikey, go get a bottle from Vic’s cabin."

Shocked, disgusted and tired of all this, "Brian! No."

Drunken eyelashes fluttered, "Please Mikey?"

Wincing from the tight grip Brian had on the back of his neck and the smell of alcohol, "You’re drunk."

"What was your first clue?"

Jason, thinking he’s funny, "Yeah, he’s such a bright boy. Go on Novotny...be a good little friend and get us a bottle."

"Fuck you."

Hmph. "You wish."

"Boys...come on, play nice now. Mikey, come on. For me?"

"You’re making an ass outta yourself Brian. I know what you’re doing."

"Am I supposed to care or somthing? Fuck that! Now, be the best little friend you claim to be and get me a bottle," Brian spat, shoving his friend. Michael, jostled, fell down from Brian’s harsh shove. Sprawled on the floor, he heard Jason above him laughing and saw the shocked and curious looks the others were giving him. 

Justin, seeing Brian’s friend on the floor, cut a glare to Brian. "Michael? Are you okay?" Moving over to Michael’s prone, embarrassed body, Justin reached to touch his back.

"Come on," Justin said, pulling Michael up. Ignoring the tears that were falling from Michael’s face, he threw his arm across Michael’s shoulders. "Let’s go get something to drink, okay?"

"Justin?" Ben called out.

Walking away, Justin looked back at Brian...not one but thousands of words passed upon the air between them and they weren't good. "We’ll be back in a minute or so."

Unbelievable but predictable, Brian’s jealousy got the better of him as he watched they boys walk off together. Justin’s arms around Michael with Michael leaning into Justin for support. Not how he’d planned all this, if even. "Save the last dance for me Sunshine?" Waiting for Justin to turn around and acknowledge him...hear him...he wasn't suprised when Justin did not.

Justin heard him alright but was too disgusted with Brian to acknowledge him.

"I thought the last dance was mine Brian. Remember? Well, let me help you." drawled Jason as he moved his hands up and down Brian’s lean, shaking frame. 

Brian, watching his best friend being helped away after he threw him callously to the floor while his ex boyfriend stepped up to help Michael, felt his stomach knot up. Is this what love felt like or was it truly the 5th of whiskey? The look Justin gave him, a jumble containing disgust, disapproval and astonishment, was now pounding in his brain while the twisting of his insides caused his mouth to go dry.

Not getting a response, Jason whispered in the boy’s ear seductively. "Brian?" Noticing the boy’s eyes in the opposite direction of him, Jason reached up, grabbing Brian by the chin to face him. "Remember?"

Doubling over, "I’m gonna be sick."

Realizing what Brian said, "Oh for fucks sake!"

Moving quickly out of Jason’s grasp, Brian stumbled around looking for the nearest exit. Hearing Jason call to him as well as the others, he continued on as best he could, not avoiding Debbie’s attention. 

Taking in Brian’s drunken form and sweaty face, Debbie whispered to Vic who then moved towards him. "Hey, Brian."

"Vic, not now. I’m gonna be sick!"

Grabbing onto Brian, Vic swiftly walked them both to the kitchen, leaving behind the oblivious teens dancing their hearts away under the strobe lights.

Once in the kitchen, Brian was propped up against a counter while a cool washclothe mopped his sweaty brow and face. Closing his eyes, Brian pretended it was the cool of Justin’s tongue washing over his face and neck.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"I’d probably understand more than you could imagine kiddo."

"Doubt it."

"You have a crush. With another boy. That little blond kid Justin, right?" Vic laughed at the shocked boy’s catch of breath and white of the hazel eyes.

"See? I understand."

"Well, I sure as fuck don’t. Maybe you could explain it to me."

"Brian, gay boys can do relationships. It’s not the most shocking thing in the world you know."

"It is for me. I never thought I would. Fuck, I don’t ...didn’t want to."

"Why? Why would you deny yourself something like that?"

"You did! I remember you telling me how you were...are. Always on top of your game...not a one-man guy. Strictly one night stands, right? A maximum of pleasure with a minimum of bullshit is what you said Vic!" Vic was regretting regaling Brian and Michael with his tales of NY- never realizing the damage he was doing to someone like Brian. Roberto. God Roberto!...how he loved Roberto. But, Roberto had done a damaging number on Vic and after that...the mantra begain. Vic purposely left the tidbit about Roberto out of his tales to the boys and now realized that he was to blame for the present situation.

"Brian, you're not me."

"I know that. But..."

"Please kiddo, you’re what, 13? I’ve known you practically all your life. You’ve got a lot of years ahead of you to make a declaration like that, not like I haven’t told you this a thousand times Brian."

"Well since you’ve known me practically my *whole* life you’d know that I’m 14. Not 13."

Chuffing a laugh, "Right."

"Today’s my birthday you know."

"Is that why you’re making a spectacle of yourself? You're well on your way to 'Queendom' if that's what you were going for. And, I won’t even ask where the liquour came from."

Miserable and showing every bit of his fourteen years, Brian bleakly and meekly asked, "Before you wish me a happy birthday and lavish me with gifts Uncle Vic, can I have a drink of water?"

"Sure, one second," Vic smiled, moving to the sink. Coming back with the water, "So, what’s going on? I saw what you did to Michael."

"I didn’t mean to hurt him. You know that."

"Well, you should tell him that not me. But, there’s more to this story so go ahead and confide like you always do. I’m here for you Brian."

Facing away from Vic, unable to look anyone in the eye with this incredibly difficult admission, "I love him, okay? I’ve never felt like this with anyone. Not even Michael."

"Okay."

"And before you give some big lecture about it being ‘puppy love’ and I can’t possibly know what love is at this age and how love is for losers and that I’ll experience this *feeling*, whatever it is, a million times before I die...let me tell you that I won’t. Never. This is it. Christ!"

Daring to glance back into Vic’s direction, who was standing close by with his arms crossed listening intently but not saying a word.

"Well? Aren’t you gonna say something?"

"What would you like me to say?"

"Even though I told you not to say it I still expect you to say it Vic! Grown ups have to do whatever we don’t want them to. You have to tell us how ridiculous we are when we try to grow up too fast or make stupid decisions. And, I want you to...I need you to tell me that I’m not feeling what I think I'm feeling. That this is definitely not love."

"I can’t do that Brian."

Doubling over, "God, I’m gonna be sick."

Carrying Brian into the bathroom, he wet a cool cloth while the boy wretched away the pain. "That’s it. Get it all out. You’ll feel better, trust me."

"Vic, it hurts so bad. So bad."

"What is it honey? What hurts? You need some Pepto?"

"He doesn’t love me back."

Back in the cafeteria, Justin and Michael made their way back over to their friends, both immediately noticing the absence of Brian and Jason. "Where’s Brian?"

"Where’s Jason?"

Shrugged shoulders were their only response. Looking to Ben, "Ben?"

"He said he was gonna be sick Justin and ran that way. He’s not mine to watch. Or yours."

"That’s a shitty thing to say! You know he's drunk! What if he has alcohol poisoning or something? People can die from alcohol poisoning Ben! It's a leading death of teenagers and first year college students!"

"Well, Jason followed after so I’m sure he’s okay."

"Justin, I need to tell you something. About Jason and Brian."

"Michael, please- not now."

"No, it’s really important. I tried to tell Brian earlier but he wouldn’t listen to me. Come on," Michael pleaded, dragging Justin away. Walking away, Justin heard Ben calling for him again.

Pushing open the doors leading to the outside, the boys sat on the porch. "Okay, what’s so important Michael?"

"First off, let me tell you that I’m sorry Justin."

"For what?"

"For being rude to you. Not liking you."

"Michael, it’s okay. I know why you did it and I understand. I wouldn’t want to share Brian either."

"It’s more than that you know? I mean, he loves you."

Seeing Justin flinch at his words, Michael grabbed onto his arm, yanking on it for emphasis. "He does! You don’t know Brian."

"Yeah well now I never will. That’s part of the problem."

"Well, he does and when he does...it’s forever. And, I’ll admit that I always thought it would be me who he’d give his love to. He does love me but not the way he loves you. I mean, the love he feels, Brian would rather die than feel it."

"Well, none of this matters anymore Michael. He’s with Jason and I, well I’m...I’ve moved on."

"But that’s what I need to talk to you about."

At Michael’s insistent pleading, Justin turned to face him, waiting. "Ben and Jason, they’re uh...doing,"

Jumping up from his chair in shock at the implications, "What? That’s bullshit! Ben and Jason are not doing anything together!"

Pulling the flouncing Justin back down to his seat, "No, not that. I mean, Ben and Jason are purposely keeping you and Brian apart. I heard them the other night when you guys were in the shower."

"What do you mean you *heard* them?"

"I heard Ben tell Jason to go take care of his *boy*. That’s when Jason came looking for Brian...they didn’t have plans. Brian wasn’t supposed to meet him anywhere. It was all Ben."

"I don’t believe you. You’ll say anything to cover for Brian."

"Justin, come on. Do you think that if I didn’t believe that Brian really loved you that I would be doing all this? Before the other night I would have laughed at all of it but not anymore. I tried to ignore all the mentions of ‘Justin this’ and ‘Justin that’ in the letters he wrote me."

"He told you about me?"

"Well, not exactly. But I knew you were special if he talked about you like he did. And when I got here I knew it. Knew that was that, you know? Brian loves you bigtime."

"It’s too late. Brian made his choice."

"You could give him another chance."

"I already did. Besides, people don't get a neverending supply of second chances."

Michael stayed silent. He could say that he did have a neverending supply of second chances and do overs ready for Brian but the point is mute. It's understood by everyone who knew them. And it would always be so.

"I caught them together after Brian sprained his ankle. He told me that they were over. But he’d been doing it with him the whole time. I was so stupid."

"Brian’s never done it."

"Yeah right."

"Seriously. I would know."

"Never? Then how come he didn’t tell me?"

"Did you ask?"

"No but. I guess I just assumed. He’s so ...he knows how to do all this stuff. And the way he talks. The way he kisses," Justin felt the blush creeping up over him. Clearing his throat, "You know, all the stuff he knows how to do."

Laughing, "Duh but doesn’t mean he’s done it. Brian’s a little bit of a slut, we all know that. But he does want his first time to be special no matter what load of bullshit he tells you or anyone. It’s important to him."

"How do you know?"

"I can see it in his eyes when he talks about what he’s done and with who. I know Brian and he talks all big but I've got a built in 'Brian Bullshit Detector'. When he talked about you, even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I could. You know?"

His hands clasped together, wringing them sweaty, Justin didn’t know what to believe. What to think or feel. What to do. "He made his choice. I thought it was me but it wasn’t."

"No he didn’t-you took the choice away from him."

"I still can’t believe that Ben would do that to me. Besides, Ben told me how you like him, how Brian tried to fuck him last year and all that. Who says this isn’t a way for you to get in with Ben or something. Or for Brian to get Ben too?"

"Believe it Justin. He wants you for himself and he knows Jason likes to fuck around with Brian so it was easy. He doesn’t like Brian because of that bet. It got a little out of hand, I know. Brian never wanted Ben...he thought he was hot but he didn’t *like* him or anything. Anyways, I’m over that and so’s Brian. Evidently, Ben is not."


	5. Summer Camp

Silent, Justin thought about it all. It was just all a little too much but he did feel when he was with Brian. And goddammit, he wanted to feel like that always.

"You love him too so I don't see what the problem is. Why it can't be fixed."

About this time, Ben came outside looking for Justin. Like clockwork or stalking...eye of the beholder. Seeing him and Michael on the porch, he approached. "There you are. I was looking for you."

"You found me."

"Michael, I need to speak to Justin."

Michael, looking to Justin, received his nod. Getting up, he whispered, "Just think about it okay? It's not too late Justin. He loves you."

As Michael walked away, Ben asked, "What was that?"

Michael turned, smirking, "None of your business. Guess I’ll go find Brian."

Laughing, "Good luck with that. I saw him a Jason walk out the back door a few minutes ago."

Justin cut his eyes from Ben to glare at Michael, questioning. Michael shook his head negatively in response.

Again, Justin was confused and torn. Ben asked if they could go somewhere and talk, be alone and get this all sorted out. Ben loved him he said, wouldn’t ever hurt him he said. "Trust me," he said. Letting Ben lead him away, he stole glances back to the cafeteria while they walked the path secretly waiting for Brian to come running after him.

After Michael had gone inside, he walked over to the DJ stand to talk to Debbie. Calling over the music, "Ma, where’s Brian?"

"That little shit is in the kitchen with Vic. Tell him his ass is mine for getting wasted- he’s on pots and pans for the next week until camp is over. Christ, he’s only fourteen! Is the kid trying to kill himself?"

"You don’t understand!"

"Understand? Did you understand when he pushed you to the floor?"

"Ma, leave it alone. You know how Brian is."

"Yeah, it’s a good thing I love that little asshole like he was my own. Go get him."

Smiling, Michael leaned up to kiss his mother upon her cheek. Trying but failing to escape her grasp, she laved him with lipstick kisses on his cheek. Rolling his eyes, he deftly tried to rub the stains away. "Thanks Ma."

Coming inside the kitchen, he saw Vic and Brian sitting on the counter eating sandwiches. It was quiet and Brian was eating but not talking. His downcast eyes said everything. To his credit, Vic didn’t say a word but provided security and understanding to the boy with his presence.

The sound the swinging doors alerted them to his presence so Michael moved closer until he stood next to his friend, gripping his shoulder. 

"Mikey," Brian smiled weakly, holding his arms out to embrace his friend. As Michael came to him, Brian hugged his arms tight around his friend, whispering in his ear, "I’m sorry Mikey. I didn’t mean it."

Nodding into Brian’s shoulder, Michael replied. A few seconds more they held the embrace. Vic called out, "Wanna sandwich Mikey?"

Knowing that Ben had once again lied to Justin, Michael only hoped that Justin would make the right decision. Sure, it tore at his heart to know that Brian loved another but the fact was, Michael would always have Brian’s love, Brian’s attention but Brian deserved this. And he could share.

Barely above a whisper, "Where’s Justin?"

"He’s with Ben."

Jaw squared, Brian continued looking downward to the floor. Taking his leave, Vic replied, "I’ll leave you boys alone. Don’t wreck the kitchen, okay?"

Reaching out, Brian pulled Vic into a hug. "Thank you Uncle Vic. For always."

Winking, "That’s what I’m here for. You boys come on out in a few okay? It’s almost last dance."

 

Alone now, breaking the silence,"I talked to Justin."

Eyes shooting upwards, "What did you say to him Mikey?"

"I told him what I tried to tell you the other day, asshole, but you wouldn’t listen."

Waiting to be told, Brian gestured Michael on with his hands and eyes, sitting back while Michael recounted the story and then his conversation with Justin.

Fortified with the knowledge, Brian jumped off the counter. "Come on Mikey!"

"Where are we going?"

"You’ll see."

As they pushed through the doors leading back into the main part of the cafeteria, Brian came face to face with Jason. "Where the fuck have you been?" he shouted.

"Fuck off Jason!"

Grabbing onto him, "Oh no you don’t. We need to have a talk Brian." Seeing Michael standing next to Brian, "Why don’t you scamper off now Mikey?" Jason said, pushing his pointer finger into Michael’s chest.

Knocking Jason’s hand away, "Don’t ever touch him again. And, we don’t need to do anything. I know all about it Jason."

"About what?" he spat.

"The little game you and Ben are playing. Well, it’s over now. I win."

Laughing, "I knew I never shoulda fucked with you. What a fucking child you are. Always teasing and promising. Besides, this little game to which you’re referring was all Ben’s idea. I just wanted to get laid. And if I remember correctly, so did you Brian."

"Well, that’s all over now."

"Yeah, that little kid has your dick in a vise. Too bad Ben is probably sucking his right now though, huh?"

"What? You're lying."

"Whatever gets you there, baby. I saw them going up to the boathouse. You better hurry though. Oh, that’s right. You sprained your ankle so it’ll take you a while. It’ll all be over by then anyways."

"God, you’re such a prick!" Michael lashed out, pushing Jason backwards. Still a little drunk, Jason wobbled but recovered quickly. Bellying up to Michael, "Just because your freaky ass mom and uncle own this place, don’t be mistaken that I won’t kick your fat little ass all over this camp!"

Daphne, Melanie, Lindsey and Susan came running up right about this time. Having seen Jason go stomping in the direction that Brian and Vic had previously, with Michael soon following. Curiousity having got the better of them since the music sucked and they weren't high, the girls decided to see what was what.

As Jason seemed ready to punch Michael, he heard Daphne call his name. Looking back, he saw the four girls standing there. Relenting, Jason pulled his fist back. Smirking, he turned and walked away.

Seeing Lindsey and remembering what a shit he was to her, "Lindsey, I’m sorry."

Rolling her eyes, "Whatever Brian. So, you’re a fag right?"

Smiling, "Yep."

"Alright. Now that’s established. Shall we ditch this suckass dance and get high in the boathouse?"

Brian, of course, had an ulterior motive in getting to the boathouse. He hoped against hope that whatever Michael told Justin, he believed. Maybe Justin wouldn’t be with Ben...maybe he'd give him another chance. It wasn’t that Brian wanted to be the one...well, he did but it was more than that. He wanted them to be together whether they did it or not. It wasn’t about coming or sucking or kissing and although he loved all of that, it was about Justin and the way he made Brian feel with just a look or smile. A touch to his face. 

Keeping up as best he could, Brian knew he would pay dearly tomorrow. But, fuck all that. That was tomorrow. Rounding the path, they all noticed the light coming from inside and even though they all suspected, no one said a word out of respect for Brian. Stopping, they stood around silent, wondering what to do...where to go? Now seemed like a really good time to get high to everyone involved.

Suddenly, the door flew open and they saw someone running out down the dock. The moonlight reflecting off the golden hair and the quiet air filled with a wheezing sound let them know it was Justin. He was hyperventilating and/or having an asthma attack. Brian opted for the latter since the twat never remembered to carry his goddamn inhaler with him. They’d done this once before with Brian having to calm him down- rubbing circles on his back, soothing him with his voice. Knowing that Justin needed him, Brian moved quickly, calling out. Hearing his name, recognizing the voice, Justin turned, stopped and stood there. Reaching over to lean against a dock pole before he collapsed he struggled to breathe. Brian would have to come to him. Still struggling himself, Michael ran up to help his friend. Pushing him away gently, "Thanks for your help Michael, but I got it from here."

Limping closer, Brian said quietly, "It’s okay. I’m here."

Looking back at the boathouse, the girls and Michael saw Ben standing in the doorway. He’d not moved, not gone after Justin knowing he was upset and having an attack. Seeing the audience he moved to button up his shirt and took leave quickly. 

Sitting down now, waiting for Brian, Justin continued wheezing. Weakly, breathy, "Brian," Justin called out, trying to reach him with his outstretched hand. Feeling the firm hand grasp his, Justin closed his eyes, almost falling over. Next thing he knew, he was lying down, being cradled by Brian with soft words and warm, strong hands skimming over his stomach. "Breathe, Justin. Easy, you remember how. Easy."

Once Ben left, the others went into the boathouse to give the boys some privacy. Michael was on his way to getting high, shotgunning with Susan. She seemed pretty okay for a girl and all. He would have preferred to shotgun with Brian like old times but old times were now being slightly modified to include room for new times. And new people, like Justin.

 

Back on the dock, Justin’s breathing was slowly returning to normal and as Brian wiped away the sweat from his brown, "I knew you would come. Be here for me like you told me you would."

"I always come when I say I will, Sunshine. This time isn’t any different."

"It’s not different? Brian, everything’s different now."

Fear. Dry mouth. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I shoulda trusted you. You tried to tell me the other night but I wouldn’t listen."

"Let’s not play the ‘coulda-shoulda-woulda’ game, okay? We both made mistakes. But that’s necessary or some shit, I guess."

Trying not to laugh but unable to suppress it, Justin started coughing.

"You need to be in a bubble."

"Then you couldn’t reach me."

"I have you on a pedestal so high that I can barely reach you now."

Turning his body, leaning over onto Brian’s thigh, trying to see Brian’s eyes right side up, "You shouldn’t."

"Only the best for me."

"Can we start over?"

"Absolutely."

"Yeah?"

His arms engulfing Justin, pressing him tighter to his body, "Yeah, you already had the asthma attack. But, where’s my twenty dollars?"

Smiling, Justin sat up higher against Brian, moving his hand around Brian’s neck, pulling him close for a kiss.

As the boys reacquainted themselves with one another, they heard their friends whooping and hollering. Not able to suppress their laughter, they broke apart and looked at their friends hanging out the window. Soft sounds from a radio filled the night with the lapping water and calling birds.

"Linds?"

"Yeah, Brian?"

"Can I borrow your radio?"

"Anything else?"

"That’ll do it."

"Radio? What do we need a radio for? Please tell me that you're not gonna sing again. You're not very good."

Laughing, "We missed the last dance, Sunshine."

Remembering, "Happy Birthday Brian."

 

Christmas Break:

"Justin, honey...come on! The car’s here. We’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up."

"Mom, calm down. I’m coming alright? Mary, can you bring down my other suitcase please? I left it outside my door."

"How many suitcases are you taking sweetie? It’s only a week Justin...how many ski suits do you need?"

"Mother, it’s a week in Vermont snowboarding. In winter. Snow. Ice. Frostbite. Please, I need all this stuff. Besides, you’re taking as many bags as I am!"   
After coming back from camp, his parents divorce hadn’t gone as badly as he had expected. It was quite amicable really. His mother got the house in Pittsburgh, the house in Hawaii and the house in Vermont. As well as a huge allowance. Jennifer's family was well off anyways. He saw his father once a month for a whole weekend but also had dinner every other Wednesday night. It was good.

Mary was still there helping Justin and now, Amelia had been hired on to assist with Molly. Things were going well at home too. 

 

As they drove away to an awaiting private plane ready to whisk them away on a fun filled, much needed winter vacation, they made a pitstop. 

 

The SUV idling, Justin jumped out, running up the sidewalk, up the porch, to the door. Ringing the door bell and knocking, he anxiously waited. When the door opened he couldn't say he wasn’t disappointed when a woman, instead of Brian appeared. The woman never failed to intimidate him, no matter how many times he came over or she dropped Brian off. She gave him the willies. Biting his lip, "Hello Mrs. Kinney."

Glass of bourbon slopping as she opened the storm door, "Hello Justin." Smiling tersely, she called out, "Brian! Justin’s here."

And all was right with the world when Brian, his boyfriend, came rumbling down the stairs with Michael following closely behind. Jacket in tow, he grabbed his bags he'd placed there earlier. Glowing, "Hey!"

"Ready to go?"

"Fuck yes!"

Sign of the cross. Huffing, Mrs. Kinney called out to her son, "Brian! Don’t say such foul words."

"Yes, mother."

"Hi Michael!"

Still svelte, "Hey Justin. My mom told me to tell you hello."

"Tell her hello for me and Merry Christmas too. Remember, New Year's Eve...my house. Okay?"

Smiling excitedly, "I remember. I can’t wait. You guys have a good time."

"Thanks!"

 

Clearing her throat, Mrs. Kinney called out, "You boys have a good time. Brian, remember Mass on Sunday. Don’t forget to praise the baby Jesus while you’re off snowboarding. I’m sure there are churches there in Maine."

"Vermont, mother."

"Yes, well. Don’t forget. I put your rosary in your bag."

Rolling his eyes, Brian continued out the door, joining Justin and his family in the car.

 

After an intense day of snowboarding, the boys lounged around Justin’s room, napping and eating. Brian now completely healed from his sprained ankle annihilated Justin on the slopes. Justin’s mother and Molly had their own wings of the house so they could do as they pleased. 

They caught up with each other on what had been going on at school and their families since they last saw each other. Justin still marveled at how quickly his life had changed. In less than a year, he’d gone from being friendless and grieving over his dead friend to having an active social life at school, joining some clubs as well as entering some Art Fairs around the county. Then there was Brian. 

They saw each other all the time, talked nonstop on the phone as well. On the weekends when Justin stayed with his father, he finagled a way for Brian to come over. Sometimes even Michael joined them. 

Jennifer had gotten to know Debbie and was now a proud member of PFLAG as well. It was Debbie that consoled Jennifer after she found the boys in flagrant delicto in the swimming pool. Jennifer always knew her son was different. From the ways he carried himself, intelligence, and inquisitiveness to the way he broke down, literally shut down after Matthew’s death. A niggling feeling in the back of her mind was put away when the boy was gone though or so she thought...until she met Brian. She was trying to be a better mother to her children and that meant understanding them as well as being *there* for them. So, family vacations and dinners had been instituted and Justin was more than happy. Even at her early age, Molly realizing the change, prospered.

After dinner, the boys returned to the room and lit the fireplace. Lying together on Justin’s bed, they kissed and fondled. Brian had never been happier in his life. He’d thought previously that once the he got hooked on the love drug that he’d become some gutless fag. But, nothing really changed except that he was happy. Really happy all the time. Oh, they had their rows over things only fourteen year olds row about. Jealousy and life in general with the tormented teen angst about how the world was against them when they were grounded. That kind of stuff.

But, it was going good and they had every intention of maintaining their current projectory.

Shirts now off, sweats and long johns now well on their way as well, the light from the fireplace illuminated the room. Justin lay on his back, with Brian looming over him, kissing his neck, then his shoulder, his eyes, nose, lips. Again his lips. His tongue. Again and again.

Justin’s hands gripped Brian’s strong back, feeling his each and every notch along his spine as the boy arched from the touch. Underneath him, Justin emitted low moans of appreciation intermingled with declarations of love and admiration. Things progressing at a slow pace, Brian moved down Justin’s body, his tongue licking trails over his stomach, inhaling his smell and fondling his growing penis. Taking it into his mouth, Brian reached up quickly to still Justin’s upward moving body with a hand to his hip. Relaxing, Justin fell back down on the bed and let Brian take him away. 

Licking the tip, Brian swiped away the bubbling precum and ran circles with his tongue. He knew this drove the boy crazy so was not surprised when his hair was yanked when Justin ran his fingers through it, tugging.

Letting Justin slip from his lips, Brian grabbed hold of Justin’s legs, bending his knees, while Brian scooted down the bed to lay between his legs. Pushing Justin’s legs up, Brian was able to get at what he wanted. Not having gone all the way yet, the was the most pleasurable of all sexual activities with Justin. He loved to eat him. Taste him, smell him...suck him. He loved the feel of his tongue inside him, pushing inward while Justin writhed and screamed, moaning of how good it felt and other unintelligible things. 

Brian would jerk him off with one hand while plundering his hole with his tongue. Getting Justin to the breaking point, Brian replaced his tongue with a finger and dug in, tapping his prostate. Gently pushing down, tremors shook Justin's body, his hand hand jerking his cock while Brian urged him on with his own declarations which sometime bordered on indecency. As always. Brian loved to shock Justin with this and while Justin always blushed and balked, it turned him on and he knew that Brian knew it turned him on.

"Come on. Yeah...so good. You look so fucking hot Justin..nasty boy likes my fingers in his ass, don't you? You feel that?"

Justin was writhing, reaching blindly out, almost screaming in ecstasy. "God...please. Brian, you make me...God you make me!"

"Yeah, you’re so tight. That tight hole...smells so good. Mm, tastes so good. But I want more now. Give it to me. Come on, shoot it at me." Pulling tighter, faster, his one hand was slicked by Justin’s come and the other hand which now had two fingers inside Justin was probing deeper. "Look at you...that cock is so big. So red...give me some. Yeah, that’s it. More," Brian huskily murmured inbetween the generous licks to Justin’s balls. Raising his head, he took Justin back inside his mouth, opening his throat wide. Deep. Swallowing around his boyfriend’s leaking and swelled dick in his mouth, Brian moaned at the first splash. His head bobbing, sucking, taking it all in, he writhed around himself, moving his own hard and leaking cock against the silk bed covers. Justin was shouting now, hands grasped tightly in Brian’s hair. 

When none was left, Brian moved his body upward on his knees, holding Justin's legs spread wide. Telling him to leave his legs open and up, aiming his cock over Justin’s red, splotchy chest, Brian brought himself off. Justin watched through woozy slit lids while Brian towered over him. Head titled back, biting his lips, he was the epitome of a beautiful sexual creature. Urged on by Justin, he furiously stroked, groaning as his own cock spurt out onto Justin. The hot splashes rejuveninated Justin and he sat up, pulling Brian to him by grabbing onto his taut ass cheeks. Taking the still spurting cock into his mouth, Justin sucked. Brian’s body jerked wildly, feeling Justin’s lips on him, his juice being swallowed away. 

Barely able to stay upright, Brian moved them back downward. Across from each other on the bed, they touched with their legs, their red, flaccid cocks, and clasped hands. 

"I love you."

"I know."

"That’s all I get?"

"Brian, you never say it."

"But I feel it."

"I know you do. Mm, that was so awesome."

"Amazing."

Quiet came over the room and Brian, sated, was almost asleep. Feeling Justin’s touch to his hip, his eyes flickered open.

Blinking back from sleep, Brian saw Justin’s face, lit up from the fireplace, his hair golden and reflecting the light, "What? God, you’re not hungry again are you?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"I’m ready."

"Ready? For wha- Oh. Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Why now?"

"’Cause I love you."

"I can wait. I told you that Justin."

"I know but I don’t wanna wait anymore. I wanna feel you inside me. Don’t you want that?"

"You know I do Justin. I want to be inside you so bad but don’t do it for me."

"It’s for me and for you. I’m ready and I know you're ready."

"You’re sure?"

"Yeah. I’ll be right back."

Justin got up from the bed, put on his robe and strolled out into the hallway. While he was gone, Brian moved to pull back the covers of the bed. He’d dreamed about this night. Woke up hard as wood from it. Wanted it so bad. Longed for it. Justin made him so hot...so horny...he’d jerked off thinking about all their times together as well. 

Thinking back, Brian regretted his wild ways before Justin. Not that he didn’t enjoy them, he did but as much as he enjoyed it, it just didn’t seem like it was worth it all now if it wasn't Justin. Nothing and no one compared to how hot Justin made him feel. How good to have those hands on him, whether brushing away an errant cowlick or holding his face before laving kisses upon it. He felt beautiful really. He wanted to be good for Justin, wanted him to feel good when they were together and he did trust it. He trusted them and what they had. 

Justin told him that night on the dock that Ben had tried but Justin couldn’t do it. He kept hearing Michael’s voice and seeing Brian’s face and no matter what Ben tried to tell him, it wouldn’t work. When things got a little hairy, Justin had to knee Ben to get him off of him, hence the asthma attack. And then Brian showed up, saving him.

As Justin came back into the room foil packages and a bottle of something in hand, he quietly shut the door. Turning around to see Brian in bed his breath caught at the sight in front of him. Covers pushed down with the sheet seductively spread over Brian’s abdomen. His long legs were uncovered, his hands behind his head, propped up on the many fluffy silk pillows. 

"God, you look so beautiful."

Smiling, Brian pulled his hands out from behind his head, throwing the sheet back, revealing his hard cock against his belly. 

"Come over here."


End file.
